Instinctively cruel.

The coffee shop was heaving with activity (see 1), I was relaxing on a cushioned seat of the armchair variety and nursing a double espresso (see 2) while watching the mundane world go by.
A friend of mine sat opposite and the discussion turned towards my sense of humor.
“Surely you have a hard time keeping a straight face when you are at play in the dungeon? I know that if I tried doing some of the things that you do, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from laughing.” She said with a cheeky smile.
“I doubt you would be laughing if you were the one in the cuffs and collar.” I said with a slightly crooked grin. “Besides, half of what I say or do, despite being hilarious to some, is not an attempt at humor on my part.”
“What do you mean?”
I gently pointed to and pushed my leather bag (see 3) with my heel a few significant inches into the coffee shop walkway.
It was not long before someone tripped.
The look of shock on the mundane’s face as he stumbled forward, bag handle tangling his feet, was probably the most entertaining from my perspective.
My friend stifled her laugh by placing her hand over her mouth.
“I am really sorry.” (see 4) he said as he handed my bag to me whilst brushing himself off and then rubbing one of his knees.
“Are you alright?” I said with a look of innocence (see 5) as I placed my handbag next to me on the seat.
“Just a little trip.” he said with a smile.
As he limped away my friend burst into laughter.
“My point exactly.” I stated before gesturing in her direction and talking a sip of my coffee.
“You’ve still not explained.” she said through laughter and gasping breaths.
“I thought it was obvious.” I said rather flatly. “I am not intentionally trying to be funny. I am just instinctively cruel and people think that I am joking.”  (see 6).

——————————————————————————————————————————————————
1) I know I never mention names on this blog unless I am explaining, plugging or ranting about a specific business, but let us just say that this particular coffee shop name begins with a bright celestial body and ends with a slang term for multiple American dollars.
2) I take my coffee black as night and sweet as sin.
3) Containing my cigarettes, business card case and numerous other bits and pieces. Definitely a decent enough obstacle in my opinion.
4) I am in the firm belief that the aim of most British mundanes is to be the one that apologises first. Regardless of fault. Which is a good thing considering I never would, despite being British.
5) I should have attempted a career in acting.
6) This comment, said in the tone that I had said it, only seemed to make her laugh more.

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