So, you want to be a professional Dominatrix?

I receive regular emails and messages asking me questions on how to go about becoming a professional Dominatrix and I do offer training sessions in my dungeon (phone me for details if you have a specific training in mind). However, there are a certain number of base truths that anyone who aspires to get into this kind of business should know.

  1. This kind of work takes a specific type of mindset and a certain mentality. It is not the kind of thing for the faint of heart and it is not just about wearing some fetish clothing or sounding bossy. Clients will know if you are less than genuine. In my opinion, a decent intellect and a basic knowledge of human anatomy is mandatory, and if you are not naturally dominant or you do not already have an interest in fetish, kink or sadomasochism, then I would highly recommend you give it up as a bad idea before you make yourself look incredibly stupid.
  2. It is not easy work. This job can be very draining emotionally, mentally and physically. I am certain that from the observers point of view, this kind of lifestyle can look incredibly glamorous, fun and exciting. Those who are successful tend to make it look easy. But there is a lot of work to be done both in and out of the dungeon before sessions can take place. Profiles, websites, updates, advertisements, photo shoots, constant correspondence 24/7 with both potential clients and time wasters, references to check, set up before and clean up after each session, travel and any specific arrangements that need to be made beforehand. To say it can get stressful is an understatement.
  3. You get out of it what you put into it. You are directly responsible for any success or failure that you achieve. The energy and money that I invest in developing my business, equipment or skills, directly reflects my success and earnings. Quality brings longevity, knowledge brings respect, investment brings potential and all are required to bring profit. You will also find that this business is very seasonal or fickle. Certain times of the year can be incredibly busy whereas at other times you may not spank a single bottom for weeks. It is a very true barometer of the economy; when the economy is healthy, people feel that they can spend on the luxuries, when the economy is slow, the mortgage is more important than tribute for a Mistress.
  4. You may meet mentally questionable people in this lifestyle and business. Most tend to be very respectful and intelligent, however, you do get a few who look to abuse and take advantage (some are prone to violence). You learn to identify these people fairly quickly, but you must keep your wits in this kind of business and be able to handle yourself both verbally and physically. A lacking in self-confidence or being emotionally sensitive will mean this kind of work will bring you nothing but mental anguish.
  5. This kind of profession can be very hard on relationships. Family, friends or partners; not everyone will agree with your choice of work or lifestyle. This is one of the reasons why the mundane are called mundane, they will never understand. The best you can hope for is that they simply accept. Many people will make assumptions, often negative, about you, your motives or your character. I have also noticed that despite being a lifestyle Dominatrix, even other members of the BDSM scene may take an active dislike to a professional practitioner of BDSM.

These basics by no means cover everything and I am sure other professionals will have different views. They are just a few personal observations which I have learned in my years as a lifestyle Dominatrix as well as my years in the professional business and I am simply relaying to those who have been seeking my advice or to any who may seek it in the future.

I would not recommend seeking advice on practicing professional BDSM from anyone other than those who have experience practicing professional BDSM (you may be able to learn skills from those who frequent the BDSM scene, but you will not learn the finer details of how to run your business from anyone other than those who have hands on knowledge, no pun intended).

It is unlikely that this will be my last ‘advice post’. Some of my previous blog posts which have been written with the intention of giving help advice to the aspiring professional Dominatrix include:

Preventing “bounce”

Tipping the hourglass

My only hope is that this helps people to decide and accept the consequences of their own life choices.

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10 responses to “So, you want to be a professional Dominatrix?

  1. I genuinely can NOT imagine anything I would like to be less than a Dominatrix. I see ladies like you, Amelia, and I am awe-struck at your cool professionalism, understanding of your ‘victims’ psyche and compassion (yes, definitely).
    This article is outstanding and I hope it is widely read, especially by ‘wannabes’ who have no real idea of what being a Dominatrix (or Dominant/Master) really means.

  2. I would love to be a Mistress again, I cut my teeth some years ago but left to raise my child. I agree with everything you’ve said about the potential pitfalls and type of persona you would need to survive and indeed flourish in Pro-Domming…particularly that you need a strong self-confidence and an ability to quickly read any potential threats from those who may turn violent or have negative mental health issues.

  3. Pingback: A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: FAQ | Velvet Thoughts

  4. I have a burning desire to be a Lady, but have been having a lot of trouble finding any place near me that has info on training. I honestly feel that reading only gets me so far and even though I’ve read a lot, I need practical knowledge as well. My current relationship is reversed roles (I love my Daddy) and that’s fine, but I feel this need as well, to Dominate and I’m certain I could be a professional Domme. Now if only I could find a dungeon or Mistress near me that offers training/takes apprentices…

  5. Iam looking for more info have been interested for ahwile. Not sure how to get in touch with some one to go about this.. Please email me back.

    • Alas, I have not done it in quite some time. If you are Bristol (UK) based, I can point you in the direction of my old dungeon. But I am afraid I have no idea if they are still running.

  6. I’m very self confident and outgoing and I can be bossy but I’m very willing to learn the difference between bullying and what my clients neesds I am very strong minded and very very determined and I’ve got my own mind if you’re interested in hiring me please contact me on Jenkins Jess ate at gmail.com

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