Introductions: Benjamin

UPDATE: As of 19/02/14, Benjamin and I have went our separate ways and are no longer play partners.

At the beginning of this year, purely by chance, a wandering soul entered my realm. His eagerness to test and try new sensations and activities brought him to me. He called himself Benjamin.

At first, I did not differentiate him from anyone else who had came to me with curiosities. Why would I? I did not realise at the time just how deep things would go, or how fast.

It was not long before our play became a regular occurrence and soon afterwards, a strong D/s bond started to take effect. This in turn developed over the  months into closeness, trust and more until I finally began classing him as ‘My’ submissive in the July of this year.

This was an incredibly big deal and I will explain why:

Back in 2006, I released my last submissive of her station and role obligations (She became my partner and as many who read my blog may know, a constant D/s relationship does not always work full time); I essentially made a decision to keep D/s as play or work and to limit submission permanence.

I made a list of prerequisites and conditions so that if ever I was to take on another permanent submissive, they would need to be exceptional. Perfect not just for me but also for my partner and my lifestyle. Much of this list can be seen in a previous blog post of mine named: Procuring permanence.

In almost 6 years, nobody had ever managed to get past step three.

Benjamin is on step five. So I am in the belief that this blog post is overdue, and today is his birthday; ergo, an excellent day for introductions?

But he has grown to be more than simply my submissive. He is also my play partner (the D/s is not constantly in effect) and he has also grown to be my closest friend.

You can read his fetlife profile: Here. But for those who do not have a fetlife account, I will relay his written profile below:

I had always enjoyed the kinkier side of sex and this is what drew me towards BDSM.
I decided that if this was a journey that I wanted to take I should experience first hand what it feels like to be submissive and hopefully learn from it. I believe that you need to learn what pleasures and pain can be received from different aspects of play before you attempt to inflict them on others.
It was through this curiosity and wish to learn that I met Mistress Aemilia Hawk.

Personally, I think that it takes a lot of courage and trust to be truly submissive. In my eyes, if a Mistress/Master does not have respect for there submissive, they are truly not what this lifestyle is all about and do not deserve the title.
I quickly learned that Mistress Aemilia was the only person who I could offer submission to. She pushes my boundaries and is worth the effort. It has certainly been an amazing journey so far and I would say that I have learned a lot about myself.

I never expected BDSM or Mistress Aemilia to become so large a part of my life. It has been almost a year now that we have been exploring and playing together. I have mentioned on occasion that I have felt spoiled by her knowledge and skill. She has very high standards and over 10 years of experience. Setting the pedestal so high from the beginning has forced me to learn incredibly quickly. I am glad that I did and I feel very lucky to have her as my Mistress.

While I have grown to enjoy many forms of BDSM play, including sounding, flogging, violet wand play, CP and knife play.
Recently I have taken a large interest in Shibari and Kinbaku. My Mistress has encouraged this and we are currently exploring it further together.
Kinbaku is visually stunning to watch and a pure art form. But what is most important for me in doing this type of play is the connection between the two people involved. It is much more than just rope play.

I do not know what the future holds, who does?
My Mistress says that “Life is not worth living if you live it like a mundane.”
All I know is that currently, I am happy, content and having a lot of kinky fun.

Benjamin.

No doubt he will be reading this as soon as the post is published. So, to my Benjamin:

“Happy birthday sweet pea, and be in the dungeon at 8:00 pm sharp!”

Photography by Raven Imaging.
All images are Copyright © 2012 AemiliaHawk. All Rights Reserved.

A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: What is the difference?

Recently I was asked what the difference is between a professional Dominatrix and a lifestyle Dominatrix. I thought my reply was worth posting to blog and I have thrown financial Domination in the mix as well because this has also been asked of me in the past:

A financial Dominatrix has no skill in any of the BDSM arts. They are not a true Mistress, they simply pose as one. It is unlikely you will meet them anywhere apart from online. All they will do is demand that you give them money or pay their bills. They demand cash in exchange for nothing (aside from possible verbal abuse or online humiliation).
These people tend to give professional Domination a bad name because many people fail to differentiate between financial and professional Domination as there are quite a few professional Dominants who practice financial Domination.
I personally loath this practice. In my opinion they are on a par with beggars or ‘spongers’. I believe that money given should be money earned and I class financial Dominants as lower than pond scum on the evolutionary ladder.

A professional Dominatrix is basically one who plays in a dungeon with a paying client. The client has a fetish, kink or BDSM fantasy and would like to act it out. It is a form of drama therapy and while it may be erotic or sensual, there is never any sex ( if sex is involved then they are a prostitute, not a Dominatrix).
The majority of professional Dominatrices have a normal life when they leave the dungeon (When I say majority, I can only comment on my own experiences and acquaintances. Around 90% of all I have met. And when I say normal, I mean of course a vanilla existence). They do not spend a large portion of their life studying BDSM practices. They have a very basic knowledge of the equipment, normally what they have been told by friends, played with in the bedroom, have seen on TV or what they may have had shown to them by other Mistresses or submissives at their dungeon of residence. This level of skill coupled with common sense and safety is often enough to deal with a large portion of paying clients. Most clients have a very generalised fetish (often something they have seen on television or on the internet) which tend to be very simple to do. They do not often attend BDSM events or clubs because they consider the play their job and there is no profit in attending such places.
I must stress that this opinion is based solely on the professional Dominants that I have met. The other 10% tend to be incredibly skilled because they are usually both lifestyle as well as professional. The key is, of course, noticing this before passing judgement simply on their choice of profession. The lifestyle professionals tend to do it for a living because they love BDSM so much.

A lifestyler (or lifestyle Dominatrix, if you prefer) is one who does it because they love it. It is part of their everyday life. They often go to great lengths to get high quality or specialised equipment (I rarely use the equipment on show in the dungeon as I prefer my own) and they spend a great deal of time learning the skills involved in their chosen BDSM activities. They tend to attend the events, clubs and venues because it is their passion and not simply a job.

Essentially it comes down to this: Give a financial Dominatrix a flogger and she will demand money from you to have the privilege of passing it to her hand (and she will have no clue as to how to use it or have any inclination to do so. Of course, this is if you actually manage to meet them in the flesh), give a professional Dominatrix a flogger and (9 times out of 10) she will show you how to hit someone with it for money, give a lifestyle Dominatrix a flogger (preferably someone that has a few years experience) and she will show you how to make it dance.

There is a lot of information on the internet about the differences. These are of course just my own observations and opinions. I am forever hoping to have these opinions improved upon, but this is how they stand to date.

I am both lifestyle and professional. I am of the minority. I do this for a living next to my small business (even my small business is BDSM orientated) and it has been my passion and a major part of my life for almost 10 years.

Constructive opinions appreciated if anyone would care to give their own interpretations. Is my opinion flawed?

A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: Why writing?

On numerous occasions I have come across wandering souls who have asked me “Why writing?”, “Why do you put stories on your blog?”, “Will you ever write a book?” or “Are the stories on your blog real?”

Everyone perceives things in totally different ways, some see me as a sinner, some see me as a saint, both are accurate depending on perspective, but my aim is not to please the masses. I was once a writer by profession and these days, my blog is my outlet. It is a way for me to express the things which I would likely find difficult to describe by mere talk and, being an extrovert by nature, a way to reach a substantially larger audience.

My writing will always spark upon memories, experiences or ideas that are intimate and personal, but also very real. All my blog stories are inspired by actual events or activities, things I have said or done either at clubs or shows, socialising or in the dungeons (I never mention names with the exception of my own unless I have consent, discretion is paramount). But how each person views my stories makes little difference. Believe them or not, the main reason I write is to spark an emotion, any emotion, to just allow the people who read them to feel, imagine and possibly fantasise.

For me its about having something to give. Something for those Dominants and submissives who find it difficult to make their fantasies a reality or who live vicariously through others. Something to share with those around me and with anyone who is willing to read.

And if it inspires people to visit me. So be it. Maybe they will get their own little story etched into my blackened manuscripts.

Why do you put stories on your blog?:
To inspire.

Are the stories on your blog real?:
Yes, all inspired by actual events or activities.

Will you ever write a book?:
I am already a published writer, but not of any BDSM works. I will think about it.

Why writing?:
Because I want to. I need no other reason.

DV8 Fetish Festival 2012: Overview

As expected, the festival was exceedingly fun.
The first evening, the DV8 club XS party, consisted of greeting old friends, saying hellos and letting my submissive (Benjamin) find his feet. This was his first time seeing public play, so I decided it would be best to make few demands, let him watch the activities of others and to let him decide on his own when he would be ready to play with an audience.
I was in no rush and was planning on a relaxing weekend.
I did get up on the main floor to play with Tempest for a while, but aside from that, my entertainment mainly consisted of friends, conversation and watching my wide-eyed menial take in the atmosphere.

The day of the festival, however, was far more active.

For the majority of the morning and afternoon, I played host at the Kabunza Craftwerks market stand. For our first ever official event I think we did exceptionally well. Lots of business cards were passed around, we received lots of interest and collars, necklaces, bracelets and cuffs were made to measure on the spot for a good number of people.

Shopping at the market was expected, though I did not expect to spend so much or have so much spent on me. I was having an incredible amount of fun testing out the weight and flow of the floggers for sale.

With the approach of the evening: A dip in the pool (Nudity mandatory), lots of conversation and the meeting of more kinksters. But the highlight of the night started with some violet wand play. A friend of mine had brought along his violet wand and graciously allowed me the use of it. It was at this point my menial play partner lost his “finding his feet” immunity and spent the following hour or so being flogged with an electrified mini flogger, having his nipples toasted and generally being zapped for my amusement.

Eventually, my attentions turned towards the electrical arc of the wand. The electrical arc was a lot larger compared to what I had seen in the past. It beckoned attention. Asking my friend to turn it up to full power, I spent half an hour or so attracting a crowd by playing with the currents and lightning. I had an incredible amount of fun with this and it is my hope to visit the home of my friend in the near future in an effort to make a video or two for show on this blog. There was one comment that I overheard about my play that I found most amusing and will never forget: “It looks like the hand of god.”

My proudest moment was when my menial requested to be flogged. It seemed the nudged play with electricity had culled all his butterflies. Using my new dual floggers (freshly purchased from the festival market) I was still eager to play and many people gave compliment to both my technique and my menials stamina. He did very well for his first public play.

I had one request from a random watcher in the crowds. A canning. Which, due to the lack of decent arm room, could only be relatively light. But he seemed to enjoy it immensely.

The festival eventually came to an end with the closing of the DV8 venue at 3:00am on the Sunday morning. It had been a wonderful weekend, it was over far too soon and I find myself already in anticipation for next years event.

Final analysis: Excellent. A much needed and very fun break.

All images are Copyright © 2012 AemiliaHawk. All Rights Reserved.