Quotations: 2015

I realise that my blog has had a lack of frequent posts for the past 4-6 months, but the past year has been both incredibly busy and stressful. I have full intentions of restarting my blog very soon.

In the meantime; I will start up this year as I have always started a new year here on my blog.

Continuing the quotations of the year posts, here is the selection for 2015.

You can see the ‘Quotations 2011′ post: Here
You can see the ‘Quotations 2012′ post: Here
You can see the ‘Quotations 2013′ post: Here
You can see the ‘Quotations 2014′ post: Here

Favourite quotations of the past year (including some that I have not been able or bothered to ‘tweet‘) in a single blog post purely for fun.

As usual, no names will be mentioned (with the exception of my own) and people will be referred to in an anonymous fashion or title. Of course, you will all know who you are from being present when I had said the quote in question. Try also to bear in mind that almost all of these quotes have been said in the heat of the moment and are not meant to offend any readers of my blog.

Enjoy.

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Aemilia Hawk: “I’m fluffy!”
Friend 1: “So are Polar Bears!”
Friend 2: “Fluffy like a snake.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I am 99% angel. That last 1% just screws me over every time.”
Friend: “is that 99% angel the one that ‘sauntered vaguely downwards’?”
Aemilia Hawk: “Stauntered? Sauntered?!? It was a proud ‘trip’ I’ll have you know!”

Friend: “There is something worrying about a smiling demon.”
Aemilia Hawk: “Would this be a good ‘Muahahaha’ moment?”

Aemilia Hawk: ” I was trying desperately to remain polite by not vomiting on the pink floor. I succeeded. Despite wanting the colour change so badly.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I still wonder at how long it took them back in the 1930’s to figure out that shoving a violet wand in your eye is really not very good for it. At least the eyeball attachment has the perfect shape for nipples and has the added bonus of not causing blindness when used on them. At least, not in the receiver.”

Aemilia Hawk: ” I am so innocent that I make that fruit juice smoothie stuff look fattening! If I were any more innocent, I would be doing a ‘Puss in boots from Shrek’ impression!”
Friend 1: “You are hiding the fangs and everything! Valiant effort!”
Friend 2: “Asking you to spell ‘innocent’ would go something along the lines of ‘P-U-R-E-E-V-I-L’.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I don’t always wear my top hat. But when I do, I make it look nonchalantly awesome regardless of where I am or what I am doing.”

Friend: “Fangs for the mammaries!”
Aemilia Hawk: “Ohh, the punnery!”

Aemilia Hawk: “They said ‘Relinquish your weapons!’. Of course, none of the guns could shoot but they quickly learned that wooden flintlock replicas are superior to painted plastic toys in the ability to club.”

Aemilia Hawk: “When life gives you lemons, just shut up and eat the damn lemons!”

Aemilia Hawk: “If you have enough passion for something, anything is possible.”

Aemilia Hawk: “The sadistic part of me is currently having an argument with the reasonable part of me. I think my sadistic side is winning.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I will build it! And it shall be named ‘Evil’.”
Aemilia Hawk: “Or ‘Bob’. I haven’t decided yet.”

Aemilia Hawk: “A flogger named ‘Bob’, and so it begins. I built the first head, then ran out of rings…”

Friend: “I believe the Romans had something similar with hooks on the end and called it the ‘scorpion’.”
Aemilia Hawk: “I could never build a flogger with hooks. You hit once with it then they run off with your toy!”

Aemilia Hawk: “Taarsidath-an halsaam!”

Aemilia Hawk: “Angels, Demons, were all from the same basic stock at the end of the day. It’s all just semantics!”

Aemilia Hawk: “Make tea, not war.”

Aemilia Hawk: “You had me at Wasabi.”

Aemilia Hawk: “You have been inspiring me to come up with completely new colourful insults.”

Friend: “You could put ‘Fifty Shades’ to shame.”
Aemilia Hawk: “I have still not seen that movie. I suffered enough when I subjected myself to the books. Self harm is really not my kink!”

Aemilia Hawk: “That ‘freshly cut grass’ smell you love so much is actually a chemical distress signal. And you enjoy it! You sadist!”

 

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The Art of Flogging with Aemilia Hawk – Our Kickstarter is now live!

We have only 30 days! Go to https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/835910848/the-art-of-flogging to see our live Kickstarter page and make a pledge!

About this project

With the release of movies such as “50 Shades of Grey” and “The Secretary”, I have noticed a large number of newcomers to the BDSM scene over the past few years, many of whom are still finding their feet and exploring this marvellous world. The use of a flogger is usually among the first steps after discovering this alternative lifestyle and with “The Art of Flogging” DVD project, our aim is to bring the basics of practice and safety to these newcomers, and to enthusiasts all over the world, while still being able to teach advanced techniques to those who are experienced in the practice of impact play. A complete comprehensive resource for any flogging enthusiast, our DVD will be packed with tutorials and instructional videos. Here are some of the things we plan on including:

  • Beginner instructionals.
  • Practice techniques.
  • Safety tutorials.
  • Warm up techniques.
  • Sensation play with floggers.
  • Rest techniques.
  • Flogger maintenance.
  • Advanced techniques: Carouselling, Ricochet Flogging, 4-point and 6-point Florentine flogging.
  • After-care advice.
  • And much more!

My Background

I am the owner of Kabunza Craftwerks and have been a lifestyle practitioner of BDSM for many years. I have been in the media as a mentor in various BDSM arts and I frequent the majority of the south of England teaching workshops and demonstrations as well as doing performances of these arts. While I practice many forms of BDSM, I am mostly known for my expertise in impact play.

Where will the money go?

With having passionate people working on this project, at £1500 we are looking at the bare minimum of funding. Of course, the more we raise, the better a DVD we will be able to produce. But with that £1500 backing we will be able to pay for:

  • Video recording equipment, lighting etc.
  • Editing and sound.
  • The required software and personnel.
  • Studio space rental.
  • Our first production of DVDs.

Rewards!

We are offering numerous rewards for those who give us their hearty support! From a copy of the DVD when it is complete to a huge set of custom designed BDSM impact toys, we will be working our socks off to bring you some amazing goodies. Plus, all of our rewards will include free postage worldwide! One of the special things which we are releasing for this Kickstarter is the limited editionKabunza Minipoi “Black Hawk” replica flogger. These floggers will not be available to purchase and will be made purely for those people who have selected to donate £50 or more.

Aemilia Hawk's original
Aemilia Hawk’s original “Black Hawk” poi floggers

Why Kickstarter?

People have been asking me to make tutorial videos for quite some time. I decided that if I were to do something along these lines, then I should approach doing it as I would approach building a set of Kabunza floggers; I should aim for making something ‘exceptional’, and making decent tutorials is no cheap endeavour. They require time, space and professionals, which in the end not only greatly increases the quality of the finished product but also requires a significant chunk of money. A friend of mine suggested Kickstarter as a means to achieve this goal and after some research and thought on the matter, here we are!

How can you help?

The first answer is: make a pledge! We urge you to get involved. Even a small pledge helps to get us that much closer to our goal! Secondly, let everyone know about our Kickstarter project and the DVD! In order to achieve our goal we really need to reach out into our communities and spheres of influence to get the word out there. You can post on Fetlife, Twitter, Facebook, and even email this Kickstarter link to those you think would like to know about the project. Every person you tell about “The Art of Flogging” is a huge help.

Thank you for your support!

Videography by The Kink Domain. Music by www.bensound.com. Photography by Anon101 & Kabunza Craftwerks.

Quotations: 2014

Continuing the quotations of the year posts, here is the selection for 2014.

You can see the ‘Quotations 2011’ post: Here
You can see the ‘Quotations 2012’ post: Here
You can see the ‘Quotations 2013’ post: Here

Favorite quotations of the past year (including some that I have not been able or bothered to ‘tweet‘) in a single blog post purely for fun.

As usual, no names will be mentioned (with the exception of my own) and people will be referred to in an anonymous fashion or title. Of course, you will all know who you are from being present when I had said the quote in question. Try also to bear in mind that almost all of these quotes have been said in the heat of the moment and are not meant to offend any readers of my blog.

Enjoy.

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Friend:
“There was a young demon called Hawk,
Who thrilled when her toy couldn’t talk,
When its ass was aglow,
And its mouth formed an ‘O’,
She plugged up the hole with a cork.”

Aemilia Hawk: “You know it is going to be a good day when you have been saying ‘Clit’ for half an hour instead of ‘Clip'”.

Friend: “You wouldn’t want to eat a friend, would you?”
Aemilia Hawk: “Certainly not without pepper.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Those who say “there’s nothing like a nice cup of tea for calming the nerves” have never had ‘real’ tea.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Why is it that wherever I go, the resident idiot heads straight for me?”

Aemilia Hawk: “We all know how stupid the average person is. Now realise that, by definition, 50% of the population is dumber than that.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I am one of those bad things that can happen to good people.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I have noticed that most humans want to be good people. Just not ‘too’ good and not quite all the time.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I love dog’s but I often loath the people who keep them. They tend to be cowards who do not have the guts to bite people themselves.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Where have you been? You stink of mundane.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I am totally fluffy.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I am so BDSM that I even keep my atomiser behind bars.”

Friend: “Sugar?”
Aemilia Hawk: “No thank you, I am sweet enough. If I get any sweeter, I will be out of a job.”

Friend: “Wow, very tidy box tie. Where did you hide the rope join?”
Aemilia Hawk: “I magicked it away with pixie dust and a few random but occultly significant cusses.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I dislike the title ‘rigger’. I once knew a guy called Rigger and he was an asshole. ‘Ropeist’ or perhaps ‘Bondageur’ sounds far better. Ropesse! I’m a Ropesse!”

Aemilia Hawk: “According to a popular fast food eatery, I can have My sub My way!”

Aemilia Hawk: ” Smile and the world smiles with you! Well mostly. Apparently. I have yet to experience this, so I really have no basis to go by.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I have noticed that everyone on this planet can be placed in one of two categories: Those who create or those who procreate. Alas, it seems the latter is significantly higher in abundance.”

Aemilia Hawk: “You need to blend in with the mundanes to avoid being classed as ‘weird’.”
Friend: “Baaa, baaa, baaa.”
Aemilia Hawk: “Close enough.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Of course, the trouble with having such an open mind is that people continually try to come along and poke it.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Well, if I called the wrong number then why did you answer the phone?”

Aemilia Hawk: “If you are going to lie, you could at least lie properly.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I love the smell of karma in the air!”

Aemilia Hawk: “Brains are awesome. I wish everyone had one.”

Quotations: 2013

Continuing the quotations of the year posts, here is the selection for 2013.

You can see the ‘Quotations 2011’ post: Here
You can see the ‘Quotations 2012’ post: Here

Favorite quotations of the past year (including some that I have not been able or bothered to ‘tweet‘) in a single blog post purely for fun.

As usual, no names will be mentioned (with the exception of my own) and people will be referred to in an anonymous fashion or title. Of course, you will all know who you are from being present when I had said the quote in question. Try also to bear in mind that almost all of these quotes have been said in the heat of the moment and are not meant to offend any readers of my blog.

Enjoy.

———————————————————————————————————————————————–
Aemilia Hawk: “You know something is seriously wrong with your karma when you manage to poke yourself in the eye with a duvet while searching for a chainmail earring that somehow managed to get stuck down the back of the living room radiator.”

Aemilia Hawk: “People may not realise this, but I have difficulty navigating certain aspects of daily life. You know, feigning interest in others, not being able to talk about BDSM as much as I want, putting up with everyday mundane stupidity. It is incredibly exhausting.”

Aemilia Hawk: “There is something about forcing a man up against a wall, shackling his arms and legs wide and forcing cold metal rods down his manhood that I find very erotic.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Ribbed for his pleasure.” (In reference to a sounding rod)

Aemilia Hawk: “If you are going to be a smart-ass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you are just an ass.”

Aemilia Hawk: “You can tell a lot about my mood if you watch my extremities. For example; If my claws are pressed against your throat in a threatening fashion; I am probably annoyed… Or aroused… Or both.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I have made it through the entire morning and only managed to insult two mundanes. I think my people skills are improving.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Quit being so facetious.”
Friend: “I do not know what ‘facetious’ means.”
Aemilia Hawk: “Do you know what ‘Google’ means?”

Aemilia Hawk: “I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off your hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.”

Dentist: “You may feel a little discomfort.”
Aemilia Hawk: “I am a sadomasochist, Sir. I think I have a pretty good idea of when something will inevitably ‘hurt like hell’.”

Aemilia Hawk: “You would be surprised at how fast people can run when they hear the crack of a Longeing Whip a few inches behind their head.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Appreciate what you have, because basically; I am awesome.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Pretty Pooky pleasantly pacificates pectorals, pandemian pallesethesia permitting.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Darth Vader hole invader?”

Aemilia Hawk: “Kin chasa du Jedi!”

Aemilia Hawk: “I suddenly have images in my head from the “Queen of the Damned” movie. Except with floggers and more blood.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, but set fire to him and he is warm for the rest of his life.”

Aemilia Hawk: “When I was a mundane, I spoke as a mundane, I understood as a mundane, I thought as a mundane: but when I became a kinkster, I put away ‘mundanish’ things.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person!”

Aemilia Hawk: “Must you leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Clearly you are not yourself today. I noticed the improvement almost immediately.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Is the vegetarian option 100% real vegetarian? Why are you laughing?”

Aemilia Hawk: “Forged in the fires of Mount Kabunza, there were made rings of power! Fashioned with a secret formula now known only to the makers of hitty things, these fabulous rings gave their users untold powers! Originally, there were twenty in all: six for mastery of the female orgasm, five for rule over erection dysfunction, three for dominion over anyone shorter than 1ft (length, not height), two for the conquering of bad breath, one was lost down the back of a radiator and we can’t get it out, two were recalled for factory defects because they tended to short-circuit in the rain, and THE ONE RING… Which didn’t really do anything, but we kinda liked the way it looked. So they are now mass produced for our floggers.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I still get horrible flashbacks of a tall, grey, bearded guy, pointing a cane and what looks like a BD10 violet wand to the heavens and shouting “YOU SHALL NOT FLOG!” at me.”

Aemilia Hawk: “There are onesies in M&S. Society has finally crumbled.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I absolutely did NOT threaten to punch him. I threatened to spank him.”

Aemilia Hawk: “You need to laugh. Everyone does. What is life if you cannot moon it with a wink and a slightly crooked grin?”

Aemilia Hawk: “Don’t fuck with my chi.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I am not saying that you are stupid. I am simply saying that you have extremely bad luck when it comes to thinking.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Of course your opinion matters. Not to me, but I am sure we could find someone suitably empathetic. Have you tried posting it on Facebook?”

Aemilia Hawk: “I would like to apologise in advance for my behavior tonight.”

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