Do unto others?

One of the things which I pride myself on is the fact that every BDSM activity that I partake in, everything that I inflict on others, is something that I have personally experienced the sensation of (with the exception of the obvious, e.g. penile sounding).

I have been canned, flogged, spanked, paddled, whipped, cut, electrocuted, tortured, skewered, burned, bloodied… The list is quite extensive.

My point is that, regardless of how sadistic I may be feeling at any given moment, I would never put anyone through something which I am not willing to go through myself (even briefly, just to see what it feels like).

In fact, it is through diverse experimentation like this that I have figured out that:

  • I have a sliver of masochism. However, I am not truly masochistic (I do not derive physical pleasure or relief from pain, however I do understand it and I do consider it a bit fun on occasion if the mood and setting is complimentary, e.g. Touching nipple to nipple when using a violet wand body contact pad with the setting turned on full so you have the effect of sparks or lightning passing between the nipples).
  • I am incredibly sadistic (I derive physical and intellectual pleasure from inflicting pain and suffering on others. I have also discovered that part of what makes me better at inflicting pain is the fact that I study human anatomy/biology and that I personally experience and research each activity).
  • I am naturally and instinctively far more dominant than submissive (I am also in the firm belief, through years of sociological D/s experiences and encounters, that everyone has at least a little of both in them; despite some Dominants claiming that they are 100% “everyone on the planet should kneel before me” dominant).

Call it an ethical judgement or personal morality if you like, but my main question is: Why is it that I do not see or hear more peoples stories of experiencing things themselves before inflicting things on others? Has that Dominant in the corner of the club experienced what they are putting that submissive through? Or am I, yet again, part of the minority in that I practice what I preach and inflict?

Responses to this post would be greatly appreciated. I am incredibly curious to know of other peoples stories and opinions on this matter.

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A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: Fruit flies like a banana

When I started this blog on the 22nd November 2011, I never expected much from it. I had never been much of a ‘blogger’ and most of what I was doing back then remained invisible to anyone outside of my circle.

They say “Time flies like an arrow” (and “fruit flies like a banana”) and indeed it has; this past year (and a bit) has pretty much been a whirlwind farrago of kink.

In fact, the kink has been such a distraction that I had forgotten to create this post back in the November of 2012.

So here it is! Enjoy these moments when they happen because they do not happen often and it is better late than never.

I wish to send out heartfelt thankyou’s:

Firstly to my blog followers: 161 to date and steadily growing. You people are the lifeblood of this little nook of the web. Without you all, this place would die a pitiful death rather quickly. Thankyou for helping me to realise that doing this blog is not (and has not been) a waste of effort (and if you are not a follower, Why the hell not?).

To those who have commented on this blog: Comment and critique is always welcomed and appreciated. These are the things which offer possibilities to learn, grow, feel appreciated and even meet new acquaintances. Thankyou for having the courtesy to comment or the ‘balls’ to critique.

To those who have clicked the ‘Like’ button on any of my posts: It takes a matter of a second to click that button, and every time it is clicked I know that my efforts are being enjoyed by someone, somewhere on this wretched cesspool of a planet that we live on; Which is one of the reasons for doing this blog in the first place (I also get a warm fuzzy feeling every time I get that little resounding ‘ding’ that says someone has clicked the button. Think of clicking that button as flicking a nipple; it gives a wonderful, though short lived, little buzz of sensation which is highly addictive).

To those who have signed up to my Facebook fan page or following my Twitter by using the links through this blog: I am still (very slowly) starting to realise that for a lot of people, Facebook or Twitter are the only online social networks that they will ever choose to participate in. These social network sites would probably get more of my attention if I had more of a following on them or if they were not so mundane. It is a way to follow this blog without actually ‘following’ this blog, but it is still appreciated. I will do my best to make visits to these profiles more frequently, but in the meantime; thanks for the love.

To my partner: Who convinced me to start this thing in the first place. Love you baby. x

To my Benjamin: Without his help, support and encouragement, a very large portion of what has been written this past year would not have been written. It takes two to play and I am very lucky in that respect. Thankyou my sweet sweet Benjamin.

So, in summary: I plan to make this next years allotment of postings as entertaining as the last (moreso when possible) and hopefully I will get posts out on time in the future.

A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: What is the difference?

Recently I was asked what the difference is between a professional Dominatrix and a lifestyle Dominatrix. I thought my reply was worth posting to blog and I have thrown financial Domination in the mix as well because this has also been asked of me in the past:

A financial Dominatrix has no skill in any of the BDSM arts. They are not a true Mistress, they simply pose as one. It is unlikely you will meet them anywhere apart from online. All they will do is demand that you give them money or pay their bills. They demand cash in exchange for nothing (aside from possible verbal abuse or online humiliation).
These people tend to give professional Domination a bad name because many people fail to differentiate between financial and professional Domination as there are quite a few professional Dominants who practice financial Domination.
I personally loath this practice. In my opinion they are on a par with beggars or ‘spongers’. I believe that money given should be money earned and I class financial Dominants as lower than pond scum on the evolutionary ladder.

A professional Dominatrix is basically one who plays in a dungeon with a paying client. The client has a fetish, kink or BDSM fantasy and would like to act it out. It is a form of drama therapy and while it may be erotic or sensual, there is never any sex ( if sex is involved then they are a prostitute, not a Dominatrix).
The majority of professional Dominatrices have a normal life when they leave the dungeon (When I say majority, I can only comment on my own experiences and acquaintances. Around 90% of all I have met. And when I say normal, I mean of course a vanilla existence). They do not spend a large portion of their life studying BDSM practices. They have a very basic knowledge of the equipment, normally what they have been told by friends, played with in the bedroom, have seen on TV or what they may have had shown to them by other Mistresses or submissives at their dungeon of residence. This level of skill coupled with common sense and safety is often enough to deal with a large portion of paying clients. Most clients have a very generalised fetish (often something they have seen on television or on the internet) which tend to be very simple to do. They do not often attend BDSM events or clubs because they consider the play their job and there is no profit in attending such places.
I must stress that this opinion is based solely on the professional Dominants that I have met. The other 10% tend to be incredibly skilled because they are usually both lifestyle as well as professional. The key is, of course, noticing this before passing judgement simply on their choice of profession. The lifestyle professionals tend to do it for a living because they love BDSM so much.

A lifestyler (or lifestyle Dominatrix, if you prefer) is one who does it because they love it. It is part of their everyday life. They often go to great lengths to get high quality or specialised equipment (I rarely use the equipment on show in the dungeon as I prefer my own) and they spend a great deal of time learning the skills involved in their chosen BDSM activities. They tend to attend the events, clubs and venues because it is their passion and not simply a job.

Essentially it comes down to this: Give a financial Dominatrix a flogger and she will demand money from you to have the privilege of passing it to her hand (and she will have no clue as to how to use it or have any inclination to do so. Of course, this is if you actually manage to meet them in the flesh), give a professional Dominatrix a flogger and (9 times out of 10) she will show you how to hit someone with it for money, give a lifestyle Dominatrix a flogger (preferably someone that has a few years experience) and she will show you how to make it dance.

There is a lot of information on the internet about the differences. These are of course just my own observations and opinions. I am forever hoping to have these opinions improved upon, but this is how they stand to date.

I am both lifestyle and professional. I am of the minority. I do this for a living next to my small business (even my small business is BDSM orientated) and it has been my passion and a major part of my life for almost 10 years.

Constructive opinions appreciated if anyone would care to give their own interpretations. Is my opinion flawed?

Introductions: Sasha & Tempest

The latest additions to my arsenal of curiosities. Purchased for me by a very special menial (Benjamin) and appreciated immensely.

Sasha: Smoked Dragon Cane – Dymondwood handle, black crystal in handle base. (very whippy/stingy)

Tempest: 5ft braided leather dragon tail/bullwhip hybrid – Dymondwood handle, black crystal in handle base. (accuracy practice needed)

All images are Copyright © 2012 AemiliaHawk. All Rights Reserved.