A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: An overdue update

As some of you may have noticed; My blog has been lacking in posts this month. There have been several reasons for this and I am going to attempt something of an explanation before rebooting my regular posting.

If you look back over what I have written here this past couple of years, you will see the changes in my writing. When I started my blog it was primarily from a professional Dominatrix point of view; Ergo, it comes across as such. As time progressed, I started to include more and more personal experiences and opinions. I started to include more of my lifestyle and less of the profession. But I have never really posted anything more than things that borderline on ‘feelings’. This is because I closely guard and control those aspects. People will only ever see what I allow them to see, only know what I allow them to know, and I let only a precious few people see the whole picture.

This past few months I have been in deep reflection and meditation. Cracks in my usually steel-like exterior have been apparent to me, comments and actions from people closest to me and unfortunate circumstances of play space or funds have been heavily influential and I have been asking myself questions. Many of which I still do not have answers for. I have been questioning things like my self worth, skill, dynamic, orientation, profession; the list is rather extensive and I have been frustrated and confused by a lot of what has been popping into my head. To say this process is causing me stress is quite an understatement. Hence the silence of my blog.

Inevitably, I have reached an impasse and I am still trying to decide my next direction.

One direction leads down a road that would mean virtually giving up professional Domination, concentrating on Kabunza and on my own BDSM whims and desires. Part of my conflict is that I am feeling a desire to relinquish being the dominant and playing on the other side of the fence (if only for a while). It takes two to play and one of the conundrums is that I am not sure which side I would prefer to play on at the moment. My mindset has apparently reflected this (hence the reasoning for some of the aforementioned questioning). Activities where I have been taking a dominant role have been lacking coordination, despite a complete confidence in myself that I am doing nothing differently. I have experienced similar in the past and have noticed a recurrence of these ‘feelings’ every 3-4 years; I have found that taking a break to get it out of my system by switching helps somewhat (before my Dominant instincts kick back in with a vengeance). Trust me when I say: this is not an easy thing for me to explain, especially on my blog.

The other direction is to do what I do best: Bottle up my emotions, swallow hard, give myself a slap on the face and shout to the heavens “What am I thinking!”, before crushing said whims and forcing myself back into doing what I have always enjoyed; hurting people (with skill, flair and style). Cold to the feelings currently raging, probably fracturing a few heart strings, reverting back to the evil bitch that seems to be known, loved and desired, and basically caring little about the opinions of others because “I am the Mistress and I bloody well know what I am doing!”

Of course, I am unaccustomed to venting randomly or ‘sharing’ thoughts of this nature. I am summing all of this up as simply as possible in order to put it into a blog post. There are hundreds of factors and nuances which I am not going into or which I refuse to share because they are personal or would take too long to explain; But I hope I am portraying a decent enough idea of my current meanderings.

Regardless of what I decide to do; my blog will be undergoing some alterations. I plan on putting a section in here which is dedicated to Kabunza, compressing my galleries back into a single collection of photos, drastically reducing the amount of information in my ‘bookings & sessions‘ section in order to make things incredibly simple for those requiring it (because for some reason the people who go to that section cannot seem to read past my phone number) as well as numerous other changes which I will elaborate on as the decisions are made.

For the moment; We will resume our regular broadcasting schedule…

A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: What is the difference?

Recently I was asked what the difference is between a professional Dominatrix and a lifestyle Dominatrix. I thought my reply was worth posting to blog and I have thrown financial Domination in the mix as well because this has also been asked of me in the past:

A financial Dominatrix has no skill in any of the BDSM arts. They are not a true Mistress, they simply pose as one. It is unlikely you will meet them anywhere apart from online. All they will do is demand that you give them money or pay their bills. They demand cash in exchange for nothing (aside from possible verbal abuse or online humiliation).
These people tend to give professional Domination a bad name because many people fail to differentiate between financial and professional Domination as there are quite a few professional Dominants who practice financial Domination.
I personally loath this practice. In my opinion they are on a par with beggars or ‘spongers’. I believe that money given should be money earned and I class financial Dominants as lower than pond scum on the evolutionary ladder.

A professional Dominatrix is basically one who plays in a dungeon with a paying client. The client has a fetish, kink or BDSM fantasy and would like to act it out. It is a form of drama therapy and while it may be erotic or sensual, there is never any sex ( if sex is involved then they are a prostitute, not a Dominatrix).
The majority of professional Dominatrices have a normal life when they leave the dungeon (When I say majority, I can only comment on my own experiences and acquaintances. Around 90% of all I have met. And when I say normal, I mean of course a vanilla existence). They do not spend a large portion of their life studying BDSM practices. They have a very basic knowledge of the equipment, normally what they have been told by friends, played with in the bedroom, have seen on TV or what they may have had shown to them by other Mistresses or submissives at their dungeon of residence. This level of skill coupled with common sense and safety is often enough to deal with a large portion of paying clients. Most clients have a very generalised fetish (often something they have seen on television or on the internet) which tend to be very simple to do. They do not often attend BDSM events or clubs because they consider the play their job and there is no profit in attending such places.
I must stress that this opinion is based solely on the professional Dominants that I have met. The other 10% tend to be incredibly skilled because they are usually both lifestyle as well as professional. The key is, of course, noticing this before passing judgement simply on their choice of profession. The lifestyle professionals tend to do it for a living because they love BDSM so much.

A lifestyler (or lifestyle Dominatrix, if you prefer) is one who does it because they love it. It is part of their everyday life. They often go to great lengths to get high quality or specialised equipment (I rarely use the equipment on show in the dungeon as I prefer my own) and they spend a great deal of time learning the skills involved in their chosen BDSM activities. They tend to attend the events, clubs and venues because it is their passion and not simply a job.

Essentially it comes down to this: Give a financial Dominatrix a flogger and she will demand money from you to have the privilege of passing it to her hand (and she will have no clue as to how to use it or have any inclination to do so. Of course, this is if you actually manage to meet them in the flesh), give a professional Dominatrix a flogger and (9 times out of 10) she will show you how to hit someone with it for money, give a lifestyle Dominatrix a flogger (preferably someone that has a few years experience) and she will show you how to make it dance.

There is a lot of information on the internet about the differences. These are of course just my own observations and opinions. I am forever hoping to have these opinions improved upon, but this is how they stand to date.

I am both lifestyle and professional. I am of the minority. I do this for a living next to my small business (even my small business is BDSM orientated) and it has been my passion and a major part of my life for almost 10 years.

Constructive opinions appreciated if anyone would care to give their own interpretations. Is my opinion flawed?