So, you want to be a professional Dominatrix?

I receive regular emails and messages asking me questions on how to go about becoming a professional Dominatrix and I do offer training sessions in my dungeon (phone me for details if you have a specific training in mind). However, there are a certain number of base truths that anyone who aspires to get into this kind of business should know.

  1. This kind of work takes a specific type of mindset and a certain mentality. It is not the kind of thing for the faint of heart and it is not just about wearing some fetish clothing or sounding bossy. Clients will know if you are less than genuine. In my opinion, a decent intellect and a basic knowledge of human anatomy is mandatory, and if you are not naturally dominant or you do not already have an interest in fetish, kink or sadomasochism, then I would highly recommend you give it up as a bad idea before you make yourself look incredibly stupid.
  2. It is not easy work. This job can be very draining emotionally, mentally and physically. I am certain that from the observers point of view, this kind of lifestyle can look incredibly glamorous, fun and exciting. Those who are successful tend to make it look easy. But there is a lot of work to be done both in and out of the dungeon before sessions can take place. Profiles, websites, updates, advertisements, photo shoots, constant correspondence 24/7 with both potential clients and time wasters, references to check, set up before and clean up after each session, travel and any specific arrangements that need to be made beforehand. To say it can get stressful is an understatement.
  3. You get out of it what you put into it. You are directly responsible for any success or failure that you achieve. The energy and money that I invest in developing my business, equipment or skills, directly reflects my success and earnings. Quality brings longevity, knowledge brings respect, investment brings potential and all are required to bring profit. You will also find that this business is very seasonal or fickle. Certain times of the year can be incredibly busy whereas at other times you may not spank a single bottom for weeks. It is a very true barometer of the economy; when the economy is healthy, people feel that they can spend on the luxuries, when the economy is slow, the mortgage is more important than tribute for a Mistress.
  4. You may meet mentally questionable people in this lifestyle and business. Most tend to be very respectful and intelligent, however, you do get a few who look to abuse and take advantage (some are prone to violence). You learn to identify these people fairly quickly, but you must keep your wits in this kind of business and be able to handle yourself both verbally and physically. A lacking in self-confidence or being emotionally sensitive will mean this kind of work will bring you nothing but mental anguish.
  5. This kind of profession can be very hard on relationships. Family, friends or partners; not everyone will agree with your choice of work or lifestyle. This is one of the reasons why the mundane are called mundane, they will never understand. The best you can hope for is that they simply accept. Many people will make assumptions, often negative, about you, your motives or your character. I have also noticed that despite being a lifestyle Dominatrix, even other members of the BDSM scene may take an active dislike to a professional practitioner of BDSM.

These basics by no means cover everything and I am sure other professionals will have different views. They are just a few personal observations which I have learned in my years as a lifestyle Dominatrix as well as my years in the professional business and I am simply relaying to those who have been seeking my advice or to any who may seek it in the future.

I would not recommend seeking advice on practicing professional BDSM from anyone other than those who have experience practicing professional BDSM (you may be able to learn skills from those who frequent the BDSM scene, but you will not learn the finer details of how to run your business from anyone other than those who have hands on knowledge, no pun intended).

It is unlikely that this will be my last ‘advice post’. Some of my previous blog posts which have been written with the intention of giving help advice to the aspiring professional Dominatrix include:

Preventing “bounce”

Tipping the hourglass

My only hope is that this helps people to decide and accept the consequences of their own life choices.

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Introductions: Angele

While I am building quite a collection of equipment, (including items such as floggers, shibari ropes and urethral sounds) only the most special of items get given names. Usually these items hold incredible sentimental value and have been gifted for a very special reason or are of an insanely high quality. These items virtually have a living personality because they are so individual or unique that they require reverence, respect and need to be placed on a pedestal far higher than the standard fare.

To date, Sasha and Tempest are the only items of my arsenal that have been given names and Sasha is quickly becoming known as an individual. Anyone who has met her always refer to her by name instead of simply the item of equipment that she is.

Recently there has been two new additions to my family. Benjamin (uncollared as of yet, but has come further into my circle than anyone has in nearly 7 years) and Angele: A fully functional and refurbished vintage/antique violet wand. (a tribute from Benjamin to mark the occasion, no pun intended)

Benjamin has already been (and will very likely be in the future) in many of my blog posts (past entries include: DV8 Fetish Festival 2012: Overview, Urethral sounding, The best cruelty, 50 Vs 6 and Anything). This blog post, however, is to introduce Angele.

Angele:

An immense amount of thought and research went in to the choice of this item. She was chosen specifically for many reasons, including strength and high frequency output, aesthetic value, uniqueness and age.

She is a vintage/antique Vitalis 1880’s “Les rayons qui guerissent” model, which when translated from French means: “healing rays” (attempting to imagine what they would have produced if they had decided to create a wand to damage instead of heal has been the subject of recent wet dreams).

She has been named Angele (pronounced: “Ahn-jhel”) after the feminine French (equivalent) word for angel (masculine being ‘Ange’).
I thought a French name would be the most appropriate seeing as she was designed and created by a French company and subsequently would have been the country where she was built.

Despite being dated from the 1880’s (the exact year cannot be determined as the last digit of the model year has been worn away due to age), we have assumed that this printed date represents the Vitalis company and not the wand itself. Angele’s previous owner (bound2tease.net) has placed her birthday (date of construction) approximately in the 1930’s (this would make her around 80 years old). We are still researching into the company and model, but any help or information that anyone could give on ‘Angele’ or her creators would be greatly appreciated.

She has been fully restored with a black faux leather exterior and black cotton velvet interior. The original fascia is a kind of agate/marble effect bakelite, giving her an overall style and look that is similar to her new owner: AKA. Gothic Steampunk.

Her arsenal of attachments/electrodes include:

Curved throat electrode:
Usually used on the neck or throat but can be used on anything that is curved. Power rating: Medium to high.

Surface mushroom electrode:
Excellent for general massage. Power rating: Medium.

Saturation tube electrode:
Often used in secondary contact or intense massage. Power rating: High to strong.

Nerve brush electrode:
Designed to stimulate the skin and nerve endings under the skin. Power rating: High to strong.

Single eye electrode:
Originally used on the eyes (but now that we have reached the 21st century, we all know better. The original use of this attachment is now widely regarded as a very bad move. But it makes for a lovely smaller version of the mushroom attachment and works brilliantly on nipples). Power rating: Medium to high.

Spinal electrode:
Two points of contact for the back or spine. Can be very sensual. Power rating: Medium to high.

Comb electrode:
Designed for the hair (not advisable if you use flammable hair products, but safe otherwise) and back of the neck. Very sensual. Power rating: Medium to high.

Prostrate electrode:
Anal probe electrode. Excellent for getting into what would normally be inaccessible areas. Also makes for a good precision pointer. Power rating: Medium to high.

Condenser/Amplifier electrode:
A multipurpose electrode designed to intensify treatment and condense output to a specific area. Power rating: High to strong.

Fulgurator electrode:
Originally used for burning out warts and cauterising. Present day use of this attachment in BDSM play can include electrobranding. A fine wire tip end gives an intense array of sparks. Power rating: Strong to fearsome (It should come as no surprise that this attachment instantly became my favourite electrode).

Body contact pad:
Used for indirect and reverse techniques, where either you or your play partners entire body is electrified and literally becomes the attachment to the wand. Sparks fly from whatever body part you touch with or is touched.

I cannot express in words how perfect, splendid and marvelous she is.
These photos do not do her justice.
I hope to be making movies which will include her in action very soon.

All images are Copyright © 2012 AemiliaHawk. All Rights Reserved.