A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: An overdue update

As some of you may have noticed; My blog has been lacking in posts this month. There have been several reasons for this and I am going to attempt something of an explanation before rebooting my regular posting.

If you look back over what I have written here this past couple of years, you will see the changes in my writing. When I started my blog it was primarily from a professional Dominatrix point of view; Ergo, it comes across as such. As time progressed, I started to include more and more personal experiences and opinions. I started to include more of my lifestyle and less of the profession. But I have never really posted anything more than things that borderline on ‘feelings’. This is because I closely guard and control those aspects. People will only ever see what I allow them to see, only know what I allow them to know, and I let only a precious few people see the whole picture.

This past few months I have been in deep reflection and meditation. Cracks in my usually steel-like exterior have been apparent to me, comments and actions from people closest to me and unfortunate circumstances of play space or funds have been heavily influential and I have been asking myself questions. Many of which I still do not have answers for. I have been questioning things like my self worth, skill, dynamic, orientation, profession; the list is rather extensive and I have been frustrated and confused by a lot of what has been popping into my head. To say this process is causing me stress is quite an understatement. Hence the silence of my blog.

Inevitably, I have reached an impasse and I am still trying to decide my next direction.

One direction leads down a road that would mean virtually giving up professional Domination, concentrating on Kabunza and on my own BDSM whims and desires. Part of my conflict is that I am feeling a desire to relinquish being the dominant and playing on the other side of the fence (if only for a while). It takes two to play and one of the conundrums is that I am not sure which side I would prefer to play on at the moment. My mindset has apparently reflected this (hence the reasoning for some of the aforementioned questioning). Activities where I have been taking a dominant role have been lacking coordination, despite a complete confidence in myself that I am doing nothing differently. I have experienced similar in the past and have noticed a recurrence of these ‘feelings’ every 3-4 years; I have found that taking a break to get it out of my system by switching helps somewhat (before my Dominant instincts kick back in with a vengeance). Trust me when I say: this is not an easy thing for me to explain, especially on my blog.

The other direction is to do what I do best: Bottle up my emotions, swallow hard, give myself a slap on the face and shout to the heavens “What am I thinking!”, before crushing said whims and forcing myself back into doing what I have always enjoyed; hurting people (with skill, flair and style). Cold to the feelings currently raging, probably fracturing a few heart strings, reverting back to the evil bitch that seems to be known, loved and desired, and basically caring little about the opinions of others because “I am the Mistress and I bloody well know what I am doing!”

Of course, I am unaccustomed to venting randomly or ‘sharing’ thoughts of this nature. I am summing all of this up as simply as possible in order to put it into a blog post. There are hundreds of factors and nuances which I am not going into or which I refuse to share because they are personal or would take too long to explain; But I hope I am portraying a decent enough idea of my current meanderings.

Regardless of what I decide to do; my blog will be undergoing some alterations. I plan on putting a section in here which is dedicated to Kabunza, compressing my galleries back into a single collection of photos, drastically reducing the amount of information in my ‘bookings & sessions‘ section in order to make things incredibly simple for those requiring it (because for some reason the people who go to that section cannot seem to read past my phone number) as well as numerous other changes which I will elaborate on as the decisions are made.

For the moment; We will resume our regular broadcasting schedule…

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Justified.

Jet black furniture contrasted the crisp white dungeon walls. This was different, not our normal space. Lighter and colder, my two least favourite things, but still, it was a welcome change of scenery.

He stood before me with his eyes wandering around the room. I have always admired his curiosity and willingness to explore. When I had entered, I had given the space nothing more than a quick glance. ‘Spanking bench, spanking stool, St Andrews cross, table with cleaning products’, The efficient recognition of where everything was situated within the space along with their function so that I could immediately start plotting what I could, and inevitably would, do to him.

His sable shirt was slightly open at the neck and showing off the steel chainmail collar which states he is mine. I know it is always there, but noticing it made me smile. His gaze immediately shifted towards me and he took in a deep, shaky breath as I began to close the distance between us. Holding the slightly crooked smile on my lips only seemed to make him nervous. A good effect in my opinion.

One by one, keeping eye contact all the while, I slowly unbuttoned his shirt and slid it from his shoulders to let it fall loosely to the floor. He shuddered slightly as I gently brushed over the line of his collar with a claw and followed down to do the same to one of his nipples.

Having Scottish roots flowing through my veins, I have found the kilt to be something distinctly masculine. Tonight he was wearing one, deliciously  so, for me. His arousal was evident through its folds, I could smell his scent in the air and it made me all the more eager to play. A soft, hungry growl passed my lips as I pulled him by his neck jewelry towards the St Andrews cross and began to fasten him in with his back towards me.

The dungeon door opened and a head popped inside to have a look around. A distinct reminder that we were playing in a public place. A bearing of teeth and a growl being a quick assurance to the visitor that I did not wish for prying eyes. The head disappeared as quickly as it had arrived and I walked over to the door to gently push it shut once more. I picked up my cane (Sasha) and took in a deep breath to quell the annoyance of being interrupted before returning to where he was now secured.

His nerves had kicked in and he was trembling. Gently tracing his spine with the tip of my cane only seemed to heighten his fear. I was relishing every moment.

“Why do you fear so? Is it because we are in a public place?” I asked in as soft a voice I could collect with the violent thoughts running through my head.

“We have played in public places before, Mistress” He said as his leg started to twitch with nerves. “I do not fear eyes on us”

“Then perhaps it is Sasha you fear?” I asked as I gently slid the cane up the inside of his leg to the crotch, lifting the kilt enough to reveal a little of the tempting soft rump underneath.

Sasha is only a tool, Mistress” He said through shaky breaths and shudders.

“You tremble, your nerves betray you and I can smell your scent on the breeze. You are oozing fear! I taste and enjoy every drop. But if it is none of the above, what is it?” My voice had broke its gentle tone. I could no longer steady it. The hunger was taking over, my sadistic nature getting the better of it and my own breaths were becoming fast and impassioned because of it.

“I no longer fear you, Mistress, because I trust you completely and I do not fear Sasha because she is just a tool. The only time I truly feel fear is when you are both together and Sasha is in your hand.”

A grin slowly formed on my lips and a whoosh cut through the air as I quickly drew the cane backwards and away from his body. He jumped slightly at the sound and I slowly raised his kilt with my free hand to expose the soft backside flesh that had been teasing me, I held Sasha back a few moments for effect.

“Your fear is justified” I said as the air was cut and the first impact of the evening made his body arch in a visually orgasmic fashion.