Every day, I get emails, messages and phone calls from menials asking me if I am in need of a permanent submissive or personal house slave and if I am currently looking for something ‘long term’.
The truth of the matter is: I am constantly looking. However I have a strict and rigorous process of elimination. I do not give the collar lightly. Nor would I give it to someone I consider undeserving.
There was a time when I had several permanent and collared menials of my own, I made the decision not to take on any more about 7 years ago. Over the course of time I eventually released them all from their collars and servitude for various reasons. Some fell in love and asked to be given to their partners and some had to move out of the country for family or personal reasons. Regardless, I never did take on any more permanent submissives and I have been without for several years now (though I still like to keep in contact with most of them and they all know where I am should they ever need me).
To answer the question: “Am I looking?”, the answer is yes, constantly. But there is a process to determine if the menial in question is suitable. I loath time wasters and simply saying it is something you want is not enough. Too many people are not serious about it. They want something that is only online and not truly real, simply want the fantasy in their head or the ability to say they are “owned”. Intent of loyalty and dedication must be proven before I will consider anything that might be lasting.
In this blog post I am going to explain my process and what needs to be done in order to be taken seriously if approaching me with such a subject or request.
• I am not looking for something ‘live-in’. A certain amount if independence is mandatory. If I take on a full-time menial it does not mean you will be giving up work, home, family, friends or vanilla life. It simply means that certain priorities and some aspects of lifestyle will change.
• I am not looking for a relationship, I am already in one. On that note: If a menial does not get along with my partner, this means they are not suitable.
Step one – First contact:
Contacting me by phone, messaging or email is fine, however, showing your face in the flesh is mandatory before I will begin to truly notice you. Making a good first impression is important. When we do meet: Dress well, smell nice, be honest and try not to cringe when I smile.
Step two – Work benefits:
My time is valuable and trust comes with time. This is where being a professional Dominatrix comes in handy as part of my process. Having a few sessions in my dungeon with me allows me to familiarise myself with the potential menial. Both body and mind. I learn many things during play, including things like fetish preferences, limits, personality and overall compatibility. If a menial is not willing to tribute, it generally means they are not willing to sacrifice, will be unable to meet certain expectations and/or are ‘stingy’. It also paves the way towards trust being established (which is incredibly important and necessary for both parties). Many people interested in the lifestyle are mentally questionable, some are even dangerous. I will not meet anyone outside the safety and protection of my dungeon walls or in a more social setting until a certain amount if trust is established.
Step three – Prying eyes:
Once I have gotten to know a menial well, find their company pleasing and those first steps of trust have been established and solidified, I may end up offering them an opportunity to come with me to one of the many BDSM clubs, events or shows that I partake in throughout the course of the year. This is a huge step as it means the menial will not only be accompanying me to a public social occasion based outside the privacy and safety of the dungeon, but also that they will be meeting my partner and friends (all of whom will be judging the menial to make sure they are ‘good enough’ for me). I am an extrovert by nature, far from being prudish. If the potential menial cannot tolerate the eyes or comments of like-minded peers then it is unlikely they will make it to the next step of my process. If the offer of joining me is declined (unless a suitable reason for declining is given) it is very unlikely a second offer will be ventured.
Step four – Of hearth and home:
In the incredibly unlikely event that the potential has managed to make it to this step: has built up this huge amount of trust, gets along with my partner and friends, has no problem attending the events, pleases me, keeps me happy, is compatible material in every sense of the word and has not disappeared yet: they may end up getting the opportunity to to visit my home. This may simply be to pick me up and chauffeur me somewhere for a day out (the menial naturally coming out with me for the day) to begin with, but the single act of knowing and seeing that place which is most personal to me signifies a lot. Eventually, the potential may be invited inside and even further along in this stage: may be invited to stay overnight.
Step five – The collar:
The final stage. By now the menial should already be integrated into my circle of trust, is comfortable with his/her station within my household, understands fully what is expected and what to expect. The journey to this point would have been quite a long one, as I said previously: “I do not give the collar lightly”. This final stage is not an easy decision (on my part or the menials). Should I decide to offer the menial the chance to be collared permanently, I would not expect an answer straight away. I would expect them to think on it for as long as they would like. At the end of the day, this is a choice, not a demand. This is their last choice, for once collared (even though their opinion may still sometimes be requested) their future choices will be mine to make. The menial becomes my responsibility as much as I become theirs. Everything the menial does or may do reflects upon the owner. If accepted, the menial will have a new permanent collar custom designed and made for them with an engraving stating that they are owned and who their owner is (this collar may be as discrete as a necklace, but will still be usable for active play), once placed and locked the collar will never be removed unless for a specific reason or for the freeing of the menial.
After reading my process, no doubt some will look at it and think to themselves: “What a lot of work and effort”. If you look at this process and decide it is ‘too much’ effort, chances are: you are already not suitable. One needs to remember that most things with a lot of effort are worth it in the end.