A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: What is the difference?

Recently I was asked what the difference is between a professional Dominatrix and a lifestyle Dominatrix. I thought my reply was worth posting to blog and I have thrown financial Domination in the mix as well because this has also been asked of me in the past:

A financial Dominatrix has no skill in any of the BDSM arts. They are not a true Mistress, they simply pose as one. It is unlikely you will meet them anywhere apart from online. All they will do is demand that you give them money or pay their bills. They demand cash in exchange for nothing (aside from possible verbal abuse or online humiliation).
These people tend to give professional Domination a bad name because many people fail to differentiate between financial and professional Domination as there are quite a few professional Dominants who practice financial Domination.
I personally loath this practice. In my opinion they are on a par with beggars or ‘spongers’. I believe that money given should be money earned and I class financial Dominants as lower than pond scum on the evolutionary ladder.

A professional Dominatrix is basically one who plays in a dungeon with a paying client. The client has a fetish, kink or BDSM fantasy and would like to act it out. It is a form of drama therapy and while it may be erotic or sensual, there is never any sex ( if sex is involved then they are a prostitute, not a Dominatrix).
The majority of professional Dominatrices have a normal life when they leave the dungeon (When I say majority, I can only comment on my own experiences and acquaintances. Around 90% of all I have met. And when I say normal, I mean of course a vanilla existence). They do not spend a large portion of their life studying BDSM practices. They have a very basic knowledge of the equipment, normally what they have been told by friends, played with in the bedroom, have seen on TV or what they may have had shown to them by other Mistresses or submissives at their dungeon of residence. This level of skill coupled with common sense and safety is often enough to deal with a large portion of paying clients. Most clients have a very generalised fetish (often something they have seen on television or on the internet) which tend to be very simple to do. They do not often attend BDSM events or clubs because they consider the play their job and there is no profit in attending such places.
I must stress that this opinion is based solely on the professional Dominants that I have met. The other 10% tend to be incredibly skilled because they are usually both lifestyle as well as professional. The key is, of course, noticing this before passing judgement simply on their choice of profession. The lifestyle professionals tend to do it for a living because they love BDSM so much.

A lifestyler (or lifestyle Dominatrix, if you prefer) is one who does it because they love it. It is part of their everyday life. They often go to great lengths to get high quality or specialised equipment (I rarely use the equipment on show in the dungeon as I prefer my own) and they spend a great deal of time learning the skills involved in their chosen BDSM activities. They tend to attend the events, clubs and venues because it is their passion and not simply a job.

Essentially it comes down to this: Give a financial Dominatrix a flogger and she will demand money from you to have the privilege of passing it to her hand (and she will have no clue as to how to use it or have any inclination to do so. Of course, this is if you actually manage to meet them in the flesh), give a professional Dominatrix a flogger and (9 times out of 10) she will show you how to hit someone with it for money, give a lifestyle Dominatrix a flogger (preferably someone that has a few years experience) and she will show you how to make it dance.

There is a lot of information on the internet about the differences. These are of course just my own observations and opinions. I am forever hoping to have these opinions improved upon, but this is how they stand to date.

I am both lifestyle and professional. I am of the minority. I do this for a living next to my small business (even my small business is BDSM orientated) and it has been my passion and a major part of my life for almost 10 years.

Constructive opinions appreciated if anyone would care to give their own interpretations. Is my opinion flawed?

Mistresses meanings.

Many people have commented on my distinctive use of words and I get asked on a regular basis what some of them mean. The most common queries being: menials, mundanes, vanilla and similar.

This blog post is a list of the most commonly queried words and their explanations. If I have missed out any which my readers would like explained, feel free to mention them in a comment attached to this post and I will elaborate with a reply.

Menial:

This is a generalised term I use instead of the title submissive, slave, servant, minion, inferior, bottom or human pet. I realise that some menials can get a little funny about whether they get classed as any of the aforementioned or not. Some submissives hate being classed as a slave and vice versa. So, my alternative classes all of the above into the single generalised term. I care little about what they wish to have as their title, as long as they know their station, A.K.A. beneath Me.

Mundane:

This is a title I use for people who are not a practitioner of BDSM, sadomasochism or any form of kink or fetish. These people are the everyday normals that cover this planet like ants over a slightly sucked cola cube. These are the people that wake up, go to work, return home, eat their food, watch several hours of television, go to bed and then restart the whole process the next day (with the exception of the odd night of binge drinking on the weekends because they have nothing better to do). Words I would also use to describe “the masses” would be: tedious, repetitive, commonplace, ordinary, uninteresting, socially conformist or boring. However, “mundane” comprises all of these words into one. I also believe it sounds less offensive. But this generalisation is not meant to imply that there are not individuals or interesting people amongst “the masses”, it is simply the level of consideration I give until those interesting individuals make themselves known.

Vanilla:

The most common flavor of ice cream. Similar to “mundane” in meaning but in reference to an action, place, object, person or anything that could be classed as common and/or not kinky. I have noticed this is the reference that most kinksters use when referring to normality or the ordinary in general.

Domme/Dom:

An abbreviation of “dominant”. A Mistress or Master. Domme tends to be female, Dom tends to be male.

Station:

Rank, standing or position within a hierarchy or society. Example: “I am a Mistress and my station is at the top, above everyone else. You are a submissive and your station is at the bottom.”

Tribute:

An acknowledgment of gratitude, respect or admiration in the form of a gift. However, in the case of a professional Mistress, the word “tribute” is also traditionally used in reference to the fee for the hire of their dungeon and services.

Scritch:

The act of gently running ones fingers or fingernails through the hair, behind the ears and over the head, neck and back of another person. A generally soft, attentive and loving touch. Often the kind of touch you would give to your dog, cat or pet.