A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: An overdue update

As some of you may have noticed; My blog has been lacking in posts this month. There have been several reasons for this and I am going to attempt something of an explanation before rebooting my regular posting.

If you look back over what I have written here this past couple of years, you will see the changes in my writing. When I started my blog it was primarily from a professional Dominatrix point of view; Ergo, it comes across as such. As time progressed, I started to include more and more personal experiences and opinions. I started to include more of my lifestyle and less of the profession. But I have never really posted anything more than things that borderline on ‘feelings’. This is because I closely guard and control those aspects. People will only ever see what I allow them to see, only know what I allow them to know, and I let only a precious few people see the whole picture.

This past few months I have been in deep reflection and meditation. Cracks in my usually steel-like exterior have been apparent to me, comments and actions from people closest to me and unfortunate circumstances of play space or funds have been heavily influential and I have been asking myself questions. Many of which I still do not have answers for. I have been questioning things like my self worth, skill, dynamic, orientation, profession; the list is rather extensive and I have been frustrated and confused by a lot of what has been popping into my head. To say this process is causing me stress is quite an understatement. Hence the silence of my blog.

Inevitably, I have reached an impasse and I am still trying to decide my next direction.

One direction leads down a road that would mean virtually giving up professional Domination, concentrating on Kabunza and on my own BDSM whims and desires. Part of my conflict is that I am feeling a desire to relinquish being the dominant and playing on the other side of the fence (if only for a while). It takes two to play and one of the conundrums is that I am not sure which side I would prefer to play on at the moment. My mindset has apparently reflected this (hence the reasoning for some of the aforementioned questioning). Activities where I have been taking a dominant role have been lacking coordination, despite a complete confidence in myself that I am doing nothing differently. I have experienced similar in the past and have noticed a recurrence of these ‘feelings’ every 3-4 years; I have found that taking a break to get it out of my system by switching helps somewhat (before my Dominant instincts kick back in with a vengeance). Trust me when I say: this is not an easy thing for me to explain, especially on my blog.

The other direction is to do what I do best: Bottle up my emotions, swallow hard, give myself a slap on the face and shout to the heavens “What am I thinking!”, before crushing said whims and forcing myself back into doing what I have always enjoyed; hurting people (with skill, flair and style). Cold to the feelings currently raging, probably fracturing a few heart strings, reverting back to the evil bitch that seems to be known, loved and desired, and basically caring little about the opinions of others because “I am the Mistress and I bloody well know what I am doing!”

Of course, I am unaccustomed to venting randomly or ‘sharing’ thoughts of this nature. I am summing all of this up as simply as possible in order to put it into a blog post. There are hundreds of factors and nuances which I am not going into or which I refuse to share because they are personal or would take too long to explain; But I hope I am portraying a decent enough idea of my current meanderings.

Regardless of what I decide to do; my blog will be undergoing some alterations. I plan on putting a section in here which is dedicated to Kabunza, compressing my galleries back into a single collection of photos, drastically reducing the amount of information in my ‘bookings & sessions‘ section in order to make things incredibly simple for those requiring it (because for some reason the people who go to that section cannot seem to read past my phone number) as well as numerous other changes which I will elaborate on as the decisions are made.

For the moment; We will resume our regular broadcasting schedule…

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Do unto others?

One of the things which I pride myself on is the fact that every BDSM activity that I partake in, everything that I inflict on others, is something that I have personally experienced the sensation of (with the exception of the obvious, e.g. penile sounding).

I have been canned, flogged, spanked, paddled, whipped, cut, electrocuted, tortured, skewered, burned, bloodied… The list is quite extensive.

My point is that, regardless of how sadistic I may be feeling at any given moment, I would never put anyone through something which I am not willing to go through myself (even briefly, just to see what it feels like).

In fact, it is through diverse experimentation like this that I have figured out that:

  • I have a sliver of masochism. However, I am not truly masochistic (I do not derive physical pleasure or relief from pain, however I do understand it and I do consider it a bit fun on occasion if the mood and setting is complimentary, e.g. Touching nipple to nipple when using a violet wand body contact pad with the setting turned on full so you have the effect of sparks or lightning passing between the nipples).
  • I am incredibly sadistic (I derive physical and intellectual pleasure from inflicting pain and suffering on others. I have also discovered that part of what makes me better at inflicting pain is the fact that I study human anatomy/biology and that I personally experience and research each activity).
  • I am naturally and instinctively far more dominant than submissive (I am also in the firm belief, through years of sociological D/s experiences and encounters, that everyone has at least a little of both in them; despite some Dominants claiming that they are 100% “everyone on the planet should kneel before me” dominant).

Call it an ethical judgement or personal morality if you like, but my main question is: Why is it that I do not see or hear more peoples stories of experiencing things themselves before inflicting things on others? Has that Dominant in the corner of the club experienced what they are putting that submissive through? Or am I, yet again, part of the minority in that I practice what I preach and inflict?

Responses to this post would be greatly appreciated. I am incredibly curious to know of other peoples stories and opinions on this matter.

So, you want to be a professional Dominatrix?

I receive regular emails and messages asking me questions on how to go about becoming a professional Dominatrix and I do offer training sessions in my dungeon (phone me for details if you have a specific training in mind). However, there are a certain number of base truths that anyone who aspires to get into this kind of business should know.

  1. This kind of work takes a specific type of mindset and a certain mentality. It is not the kind of thing for the faint of heart and it is not just about wearing some fetish clothing or sounding bossy. Clients will know if you are less than genuine. In my opinion, a decent intellect and a basic knowledge of human anatomy is mandatory, and if you are not naturally dominant or you do not already have an interest in fetish, kink or sadomasochism, then I would highly recommend you give it up as a bad idea before you make yourself look incredibly stupid.
  2. It is not easy work. This job can be very draining emotionally, mentally and physically. I am certain that from the observers point of view, this kind of lifestyle can look incredibly glamorous, fun and exciting. Those who are successful tend to make it look easy. But there is a lot of work to be done both in and out of the dungeon before sessions can take place. Profiles, websites, updates, advertisements, photo shoots, constant correspondence 24/7 with both potential clients and time wasters, references to check, set up before and clean up after each session, travel and any specific arrangements that need to be made beforehand. To say it can get stressful is an understatement.
  3. You get out of it what you put into it. You are directly responsible for any success or failure that you achieve. The energy and money that I invest in developing my business, equipment or skills, directly reflects my success and earnings. Quality brings longevity, knowledge brings respect, investment brings potential and all are required to bring profit. You will also find that this business is very seasonal or fickle. Certain times of the year can be incredibly busy whereas at other times you may not spank a single bottom for weeks. It is a very true barometer of the economy; when the economy is healthy, people feel that they can spend on the luxuries, when the economy is slow, the mortgage is more important than tribute for a Mistress.
  4. You may meet mentally questionable people in this lifestyle and business. Most tend to be very respectful and intelligent, however, you do get a few who look to abuse and take advantage (some are prone to violence). You learn to identify these people fairly quickly, but you must keep your wits in this kind of business and be able to handle yourself both verbally and physically. A lacking in self-confidence or being emotionally sensitive will mean this kind of work will bring you nothing but mental anguish.
  5. This kind of profession can be very hard on relationships. Family, friends or partners; not everyone will agree with your choice of work or lifestyle. This is one of the reasons why the mundane are called mundane, they will never understand. The best you can hope for is that they simply accept. Many people will make assumptions, often negative, about you, your motives or your character. I have also noticed that despite being a lifestyle Dominatrix, even other members of the BDSM scene may take an active dislike to a professional practitioner of BDSM.

These basics by no means cover everything and I am sure other professionals will have different views. They are just a few personal observations which I have learned in my years as a lifestyle Dominatrix as well as my years in the professional business and I am simply relaying to those who have been seeking my advice or to any who may seek it in the future.

I would not recommend seeking advice on practicing professional BDSM from anyone other than those who have experience practicing professional BDSM (you may be able to learn skills from those who frequent the BDSM scene, but you will not learn the finer details of how to run your business from anyone other than those who have hands on knowledge, no pun intended).

It is unlikely that this will be my last ‘advice post’. Some of my previous blog posts which have been written with the intention of giving help advice to the aspiring professional Dominatrix include:

Preventing “bounce”

Tipping the hourglass

My only hope is that this helps people to decide and accept the consequences of their own life choices.

A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: Why writing?

On numerous occasions I have come across wandering souls who have asked me “Why writing?”, “Why do you put stories on your blog?”, “Will you ever write a book?” or “Are the stories on your blog real?”

Everyone perceives things in totally different ways, some see me as a sinner, some see me as a saint, both are accurate depending on perspective, but my aim is not to please the masses. I was once a writer by profession and these days, my blog is my outlet. It is a way for me to express the things which I would likely find difficult to describe by mere talk and, being an extrovert by nature, a way to reach a substantially larger audience.

My writing will always spark upon memories, experiences or ideas that are intimate and personal, but also very real. All my blog stories are inspired by actual events or activities, things I have said or done either at clubs or shows, socialising or in the dungeons (I never mention names with the exception of my own unless I have consent, discretion is paramount). But how each person views my stories makes little difference. Believe them or not, the main reason I write is to spark an emotion, any emotion, to just allow the people who read them to feel, imagine and possibly fantasise.

For me its about having something to give. Something for those Dominants and submissives who find it difficult to make their fantasies a reality or who live vicariously through others. Something to share with those around me and with anyone who is willing to read.

And if it inspires people to visit me. So be it. Maybe they will get their own little story etched into my blackened manuscripts.

Why do you put stories on your blog?:
To inspire.

Are the stories on your blog real?:
Yes, all inspired by actual events or activities.

Will you ever write a book?:
I am already a published writer, but not of any BDSM works. I will think about it.

Why writing?:
Because I want to. I need no other reason.