A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: An overdue update

As some of you may have noticed; My blog has been lacking in posts this month. There have been several reasons for this and I am going to attempt something of an explanation before rebooting my regular posting.

If you look back over what I have written here this past couple of years, you will see the changes in my writing. When I started my blog it was primarily from a professional Dominatrix point of view; Ergo, it comes across as such. As time progressed, I started to include more and more personal experiences and opinions. I started to include more of my lifestyle and less of the profession. But I have never really posted anything more than things that borderline on ‘feelings’. This is because I closely guard and control those aspects. People will only ever see what I allow them to see, only know what I allow them to know, and I let only a precious few people see the whole picture.

This past few months I have been in deep reflection and meditation. Cracks in my usually steel-like exterior have been apparent to me, comments and actions from people closest to me and unfortunate circumstances of play space or funds have been heavily influential and I have been asking myself questions. Many of which I still do not have answers for. I have been questioning things like my self worth, skill, dynamic, orientation, profession; the list is rather extensive and I have been frustrated and confused by a lot of what has been popping into my head. To say this process is causing me stress is quite an understatement. Hence the silence of my blog.

Inevitably, I have reached an impasse and I am still trying to decide my next direction.

One direction leads down a road that would mean virtually giving up professional Domination, concentrating on Kabunza and on my own BDSM whims and desires. Part of my conflict is that I am feeling a desire to relinquish being the dominant and playing on the other side of the fence (if only for a while). It takes two to play and one of the conundrums is that I am not sure which side I would prefer to play on at the moment. My mindset has apparently reflected this (hence the reasoning for some of the aforementioned questioning). Activities where I have been taking a dominant role have been lacking coordination, despite a complete confidence in myself that I am doing nothing differently. I have experienced similar in the past and have noticed a recurrence of these ‘feelings’ every 3-4 years; I have found that taking a break to get it out of my system by switching helps somewhat (before my Dominant instincts kick back in with a vengeance). Trust me when I say: this is not an easy thing for me to explain, especially on my blog.

The other direction is to do what I do best: Bottle up my emotions, swallow hard, give myself a slap on the face and shout to the heavens “What am I thinking!”, before crushing said whims and forcing myself back into doing what I have always enjoyed; hurting people (with skill, flair and style). Cold to the feelings currently raging, probably fracturing a few heart strings, reverting back to the evil bitch that seems to be known, loved and desired, and basically caring little about the opinions of others because “I am the Mistress and I bloody well know what I am doing!”

Of course, I am unaccustomed to venting randomly or ‘sharing’ thoughts of this nature. I am summing all of this up as simply as possible in order to put it into a blog post. There are hundreds of factors and nuances which I am not going into or which I refuse to share because they are personal or would take too long to explain; But I hope I am portraying a decent enough idea of my current meanderings.

Regardless of what I decide to do; my blog will be undergoing some alterations. I plan on putting a section in here which is dedicated to Kabunza, compressing my galleries back into a single collection of photos, drastically reducing the amount of information in my ‘bookings & sessions‘ section in order to make things incredibly simple for those requiring it (because for some reason the people who go to that section cannot seem to read past my phone number) as well as numerous other changes which I will elaborate on as the decisions are made.

For the moment; We will resume our regular broadcasting schedule…

Introductions: Angele

While I am building quite a collection of equipment, (including items such as floggers, shibari ropes and urethral sounds) only the most special of items get given names. Usually these items hold incredible sentimental value and have been gifted for a very special reason or are of an insanely high quality. These items virtually have a living personality because they are so individual or unique that they require reverence, respect and need to be placed on a pedestal far higher than the standard fare.

To date, Sasha and Tempest are the only items of my arsenal that have been given names and Sasha is quickly becoming known as an individual. Anyone who has met her always refer to her by name instead of simply the item of equipment that she is.

Recently there has been two new additions to my family. Benjamin (uncollared as of yet, but has come further into my circle than anyone has in nearly 7 years) and Angele: A fully functional and refurbished vintage/antique violet wand. (a tribute from Benjamin to mark the occasion, no pun intended)

Benjamin has already been (and will very likely be in the future) in many of my blog posts (past entries include: DV8 Fetish Festival 2012: Overview, Urethral sounding, The best cruelty, 50 Vs 6 and Anything). This blog post, however, is to introduce Angele.

Angele:

An immense amount of thought and research went in to the choice of this item. She was chosen specifically for many reasons, including strength and high frequency output, aesthetic value, uniqueness and age.

She is a vintage/antique Vitalis 1880’s “Les rayons qui guerissent” model, which when translated from French means: “healing rays” (attempting to imagine what they would have produced if they had decided to create a wand to damage instead of heal has been the subject of recent wet dreams).

She has been named Angele (pronounced: “Ahn-jhel”) after the feminine French (equivalent) word for angel (masculine being ‘Ange’).
I thought a French name would be the most appropriate seeing as she was designed and created by a French company and subsequently would have been the country where she was built.

Despite being dated from the 1880’s (the exact year cannot be determined as the last digit of the model year has been worn away due to age), we have assumed that this printed date represents the Vitalis company and not the wand itself. Angele’s previous owner (bound2tease.net) has placed her birthday (date of construction) approximately in the 1930’s (this would make her around 80 years old). We are still researching into the company and model, but any help or information that anyone could give on ‘Angele’ or her creators would be greatly appreciated.

She has been fully restored with a black faux leather exterior and black cotton velvet interior. The original fascia is a kind of agate/marble effect bakelite, giving her an overall style and look that is similar to her new owner: AKA. Gothic Steampunk.

Her arsenal of attachments/electrodes include:

Curved throat electrode:
Usually used on the neck or throat but can be used on anything that is curved. Power rating: Medium to high.

Surface mushroom electrode:
Excellent for general massage. Power rating: Medium.

Saturation tube electrode:
Often used in secondary contact or intense massage. Power rating: High to strong.

Nerve brush electrode:
Designed to stimulate the skin and nerve endings under the skin. Power rating: High to strong.

Single eye electrode:
Originally used on the eyes (but now that we have reached the 21st century, we all know better. The original use of this attachment is now widely regarded as a very bad move. But it makes for a lovely smaller version of the mushroom attachment and works brilliantly on nipples). Power rating: Medium to high.

Spinal electrode:
Two points of contact for the back or spine. Can be very sensual. Power rating: Medium to high.

Comb electrode:
Designed for the hair (not advisable if you use flammable hair products, but safe otherwise) and back of the neck. Very sensual. Power rating: Medium to high.

Prostrate electrode:
Anal probe electrode. Excellent for getting into what would normally be inaccessible areas. Also makes for a good precision pointer. Power rating: Medium to high.

Condenser/Amplifier electrode:
A multipurpose electrode designed to intensify treatment and condense output to a specific area. Power rating: High to strong.

Fulgurator electrode:
Originally used for burning out warts and cauterising. Present day use of this attachment in BDSM play can include electrobranding. A fine wire tip end gives an intense array of sparks. Power rating: Strong to fearsome (It should come as no surprise that this attachment instantly became my favourite electrode).

Body contact pad:
Used for indirect and reverse techniques, where either you or your play partners entire body is electrified and literally becomes the attachment to the wand. Sparks fly from whatever body part you touch with or is touched.

I cannot express in words how perfect, splendid and marvelous she is.
These photos do not do her justice.
I hope to be making movies which will include her in action very soon.

All images are Copyright © 2012 AemiliaHawk. All Rights Reserved.