Product review: Uberkinky Clone A Pussy Chocolate Kit

I must admit that I have been putting this review off for a little while now, mainly because I have been experimenting with ideas for the pussy mould.

Normally, I do not go for the novelty factor items that you can get from most sexually orientated shops but when presented with a list of items to review from my friend at Uberkinky, this item seemed to jump out at me.

It was just one of those days where I fancied a bit of chocolate, I guess.

And the Uberkinky Clone A Pussy Chocolate Kit seemed like a fine chance for a bit of fun and chocolate at the same time.

When I opted for this item, I was expecting something where you would literally dunk your privates in a quick setting chocolate in an effort to create a imprinted “replica” of it (but more likely to have it licked away by a significant other before any mould could ever set). I was wrong. It is a kit to create a gel-like mould of your private parts which is then continually reusable to make a replica of your privates out of anything you like.

But they suggest chocolate, and they even give you enough chocolate to create two replicas for yourself before you start getting inventive.

If properly stored, the mould you create can be used quite a few times before it starts to degrade and you are limited only by your imagination (and finding the things to shove in it). Private part shaped ice cubes (for use in play, obviously) as well as candle wax (for erotically shaped candles and wax play), but you can even fill the mould with liquid rubber to immortalize your nether regions for all time!

You could even make a pussy shaped bar of soap or “pussy on a rope” for that particularly sexy bathing experience, using mouldable glycerine soap (available at most hobby shops). You could place the rope in such a way that it looks like Japanese rope bondage of the privates or, If you wanted to be particularly naughty, you could arrange it so that the rope comes out where the opening of the pussy would normally be.

But I digress, these are all just possibilities that have come to mind from this (literally) fun-filled little novelty. The best ideas will obviously be unique to each individual but this is one of those toys that you can get very inventive with.

One thing I will mention is that the instructions tell you to microwave the chocolate. Do NOT do this! It will ruin the chocolate! Boil some water in a pan and place an empty plastic bowl in the water, then place the chocolate in the bowl and let it melt that way. Trust me, microwaves ruin chocolate.

Incidentally, if you prefer having a clone of male genitalia, Uberkinky also have the Clone a Willy Kit!

Quotations: 2012

Continuing the quotations of the year posts, here is the selection for 2012.

You can see the ‘Quotations 2011’ post: Here

Favorite quotations of the past year (including some that I have not been able to ‘tweet‘) in a single blog post purely for fun.

As usual, no names will be mentioned and people will be referred to in an anonymous fashion or title. Of course, you will all know who you are from being present when I had said the quote in question. Try also to bear in mind that almost all of these quotes have been said in the heat of the moment and are not meant to offend any readers of my blog.

Enjoy.

———————————————————————————————————————————————–

Menial: “Please Mistress! Flog my back, my backside, anything! just not there! Please!”
Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Do you realise how much skill it takes to hit a target that small? This is the best practice I have had in years.”

Menial: “Mistress, I love your teeth, please bite me.”
Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “I try to avoid junk food.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “What do you think?”
Friend: “Very nice.”
Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “I am not sure if that is a compliment or an insult.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Where there is a whip, there is a way.”

Menial: “what are your favourite colours, Mistress?”
Mistress Hawk: “Sable, Onyx, Ebony, Coal, Jet, Raven and I sometimes like Black as well.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “I am actually very good at appearing as though I am paying attention.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “I will not recite the rules, but I expect them to be followed regardless.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “My mother said to me, ‘If you join the armed forces, you’ll be a general; if you become a priest, you’ll end up as the first female Pope. Instead, I became a Dominatrix and wound up here.”
Friend: “Though you would probably get more kinky sex if you were the pope.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Quite cramped. No room to swing a cat. Not that I swing cats. Or eat. Trying to cut down. Cholestero- Uhh, morals. I mean morals.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Even evil genius such as mine needs a day or two off on occasion.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “I am not intentionally being funny. I am just instinctively cruel and people think that I am joking.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Politicians: More slippery than catfish in a jar of Vaseline.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “More money is spent on boob jobs and Viagra these days than on Alzheimer’s research. By the year 2040 all the elderly will have perky breasts or stiff erections but no idea why.”

Menial: “For some women it is flowers or chocolates or jewelry, What is the quickest route to your heart, Mistress?
Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “You cannot find a rout to what does not exist”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Everyone has an opinion. Mine just matters more.”

Menial: “You know, Mistress, underneath it all, I think you are quite nice.”
Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Repeat that disgraceful slander and I will make a stew out of your tongue.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “A Mistress is never wrong. Even if they are.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Judging from personal experience, I am fairly certain that ‘pot pourri’ is french for ‘not crisps’.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Everyone fantasises to escape their mundane lives. The difference is that in my line of work, I am the fantasy.”
Friend: “You must get some real perverts.”
Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “If I am lucky.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Your skull, My urinal.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Be a darling and pop my tinny hymen for me.” (in reference to opening a can of ‘Pussy’ energy drink)

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “I dislike watching the news and for good reason. They begin by saying something along the lines of ‘Good morning’ or ‘Good evening’ and then proceed to tell you why it is not.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “I did not evolve my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Are you frightened?”
Menial: “Yes.”
Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Not nearly frightened enough.”
Menial: “Lord of the rings quote?”
Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “No, common sense when someone as sadistic as myself has you chained to a cross.”

Vanilla/Mundane: “Could I visit your dungeon?”
Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Yes.”
Vanilla/Mundane: “What would happen if I did?”
Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “That would depend on my mood.”
Vanilla/Mundane: “Would it hurt?”
Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Probably.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “You are twisted, perverted and sick. I like you.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “I do like to try everything once, and then once again, and then once again, and then once again.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Don’t worry. It only seems kinky the first time.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “I always try to provoke offence. It tends to make the mundane more interesting.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Pray that I never make a promise, for I shall always deliver on it.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “I do try to quell most of my instincts when in polite society”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Once you get past the evil aura, teeth, claws, demonic nature, unholy eating habits, disgust of the mundane, and other small, often unnoticeable abominable characteristics; I am actually not so bad.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Compassionate? Moi? Disgraceful slander I tell you!”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Given my insatiable passion for hitting things with other things, it seemed appropriate”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Give a financial Dominatrix a flogger and she will demand money from you to have the privilege of passing it to her hand and she will have no clue as to how to use it or have any inclination to do so, of course; this is if you actually manage to meet them in the flesh. Give a professional Dominatrix a flogger and, 9 times out of 10, she will show you how to hit someone with it for money. Give a lifestyle Dominatrix a flogger, preferably someone that has a few years experience, and she will show you how to make it dance.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “I hope you realise that I will need to punish you for worshiping a false deity.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “I do so love an audience.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Mine.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “He looks so “My little pony” that I would not be surprised if he had a rainbow brand on his backside and ejaculated marshmallows.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Despite public opinion, I am always on my best behavior. It is just unfortunate that my best behavior is often considered quite anti-social towards the mundane.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “For the love of everything kinky, use what little common sense it takes.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Attempting to imagine what they would have produced in the 1930’s if they had decided to create a violet wand to damage instead of heal has been the subject of recent wet dreams.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Do try to avoid cringing when I smile.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work I go, With a whip and cane to distribute some pain, Hi ho, hi ho-hi ho-hi ho.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “4 teeth surgically removed, 3 of them wisdom. Disappointed. Many told me it was going to be excruciating. Frankly, Kinbaku is more painful.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “This Halloween was incredibly peaceful. Not a single trick or treat’er. When I talked to a neighbor this morning, she said it is because all of the children in the street are scared of the ‘demon lady’ and would not approach my door. I feel like all my years of hard work scaring the crap out of children on Halloween is finally complete.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “You tremble, your nerves betray you and I can smell your scent on the breeze. You are oozing fear!”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “A healthy diet, a nimble body and a kinky mind is beneficial. A sliver of masochism helps substantially.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Personally, I like it rough.”

Mistress Aemilia Hawk: “Do something constructive: Cut out your tongue.”

These are a few of my favourite things.

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
Dum dum de dum dum and something with mittens,
La da de da da with string,
These are a few of my favourite things.”

Who could forget that amazingly memorable song from the movie ‘The sound of music’ sung by Julie Andrews.

Recently, I have been receiving requests to list a few of my favourite things here on my blog. Food, drink, activities etc. Naturally, it is in my best interest to acquiesce such requests. Especially seeing as such things are difficult to add to my Amazon wishlist.

So, without further ado:

Favourite foods:
• Filetto Rossini (steak, bloody)
• Any kind of slightly charred flesh (bloody, still moving is a bonus)
• Sushi (the closest I can get to being vegetarian. Although, I do consider poultry, fish and most small mammals as “almost vegetables”)

Favourite desserts:
• Panna Cotta (Italian cream)
• Belgian Waffles (chocolate, clotted cream, ice cream)
• Chocolate Fudge Cake

Favourite alcoholic drinks:
• Absinthe (Swiss or Romanian)
• Tia Maria
• Disaronno
• Faustino 1 (red rioja wine)

Favourite nonalcoholic drinks:
• Pussy (not a joke, an actual drink)
• Tea (milk, no sugar)

Favourite cigarettes:
• Djarum Special
• Djarum Black

Favourite sweets:
• Thorntons Chocolate (milky/creamy)
• Lindlt Chocolate (double cream)

Favourite flowers:
• Black rose
• White rose
• Jasmine

Favourite fetishes/BDSM activities:
• Bullwhips/Whips/floggers
• Corporal punishment/Caning
• Spanking/Paddles
• Violet Wand play/Electrics
• Ponyplay/Petplay
• Bondage/Restraints/Shibari
• Body/Boot/Goddess Worship
• Genitalia & Nipple torture
• Emotional Sadism/Mental bondage/Mind Games
• Queening
• Humiliation
(this list is incredibly extensive, I have listed only the few I could think of off the top of my head to give an idea of what I like most)

Favourite physical activities:
• Sex
• Rollerblading
• Visually pleasing walks (as in the journey, e.g. Beach, Forest and Moorland. Not the act of walking itself, because that would just be silly)

Favourite hobbies/pass times:
• BDSM
• X-Box/Gaming (RPG’s preferable)
• Reading/Writing

Favourite music:
• Marilyn Manson
• Lordi
• Rammstein
• Ozzy Osbourne
• Slash
• Voltaire
• Garbage
• Kidney Thieves
• Chiasm
• Encoder
• Skillet
• Sub Dub Micromachine
• Rob Zombie
• Genitorturers
• Apocalyptica
• The Pretty Reckless
• Abney Park
(this list is incredibly extensive, I have listed only the few I could think of off the top of my head to give an idea of what I like most)

Favourite books/reading materials/authors:
• Good Omens by Neil Gayman & Terry Pratchett
• The sleeping beauty trilogy by Anne Rice
• Grunts by Mary Gentle
• The devil’s right hand by Lilith Saintcrow
• For a few demons more by Kim Harrison
(this list is incredibly extensive, I have listed only the few I could think of off the top of my head to give an idea of what I like most)

Favourite movies:
• Constantine
• Alien quadrilogy (all of them)
• Ginger snaps
• Fallen
• Sherlock Holmes (2009 film)
• Dogma
• Underworld
• Quills
• Elvira, Mistress of the Dark
(this list is incredibly extensive, I have listed only the few I could think of off the top of my head to give an idea of what I like most)