A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: 10 things that do not impress me

  1. Disrespect – Respect given is respect earned. Naturally.
  2. Ignorance – “I can hear you and I know you are talking to me but I choose not to acknowledge you! You do not exist to me! Lalalalalala!” (being interrupted by random people during play, aftercare or when talking also come under this category)
  3. Lousy liars – If you are going to lie, at least lie properly.
  4. Thieves – Simple. If it is not yours, be it an idea, a photo, something material or even credit for an achievement or action: THEN IT IS NOT YOURS!
  5. Cattle – “Follow! Follow! We know not what we are following! Wheeee!”
  6. Being called a vampire – I am not a vampire! (see #1 and #2)
  7. Drugs – A lousy excuse for having no imagination. Incredibly stupid when mixed with BDSM (overconsumption of alcohol being the most common I have seen).
  8. Knowledgelessness (BDSM) – If you are going to be brutal, at least do the decent thing and get creative with it or do something that actually requires some element of knowledge and skill (this would also imply actually having the said knowledge and skill for the use of any tools involved, rather than just grabbing something and hoping that nothing is permanently damaged during its application). Get some learning. Take time to plan. Be consensual and safe. DO THE RESEARCH!
  9. Trolls – Sad, pathetic and pitiable people who literally have nothing better or constructive to do than slander, criticise and argue online. “Get a life”.
  10. The fact that I frequently hear and see all of the aforementioned far more than I care to.

A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: Blue Skies

As some of my readers will know, I have been lessening my availability for professional domination sessioning.

There have been a lot of reasons for this, but the final proverbial nail is now being hammered into the coffin and I am ending this half-hearted profession in order to concentrate on my own blossoming business: Kabunza.

To be honest, I have grown very tired of the profession and my opinion of it has degraded substantially over the past three years of doing it (I no longer have the time to waste on timewasters).

I will now be devoting my attentions (and my blog writings) to what I consider more deserving; my personal lifestyle and passions of BDSM. however let it be known that I have no regrets. I have learned a lot in doing this kind of work, I have nothing but respect for those who enjoy it and I have even met a handful of decent people in the process of doing it myself.

It has been swell, but the swellings gone down…

Nothing but blue skies from now on.

Flogging workshop and first-time Kabunza trade stand at the BBB

Whenever I am asked to host a workshop, give tuition or give a demonstration, I always leap at the chance. It is incredibly rewarding and I truly believe that one of the best things anyone with a well practiced skill can do for the BDSM community is to pass on their knowledge to willing students safely. There are a lot of people out there who are reckless (even dangerous) but teach their activities anyway, (often simply to stroke their own egos) despite how unsafe it may be. It can sometimes be very confusing or even scary enough to put people off trying or learning new things. My recommendation to anyone taking advice from anyone on any BDSM activity is to do a little research into the competence of the person(s) giving out their information and also briefly on the subject matter in question (be it flogging, whips, shibari or any BDSM skill) using that magical tool: The internet. Trust me, for the safety of both yourself and those you play with, it never hurts to do a little research and anyone with real knowledge or skill will be apparent from the tat.

I tend to be very hands-on and interactive in my workshops; I like people to ask questions, I like people to talk to me about their own experiences so that I can explain or perhaps even learn something new myself (nobody ever stops learning) and I always try to get people out of their seats to physically practice anything I am trying to teach. Actual practice of any skill makes perfect and I think being able to actively talk people through and demonstrate safely as they are attempting new skills tends to alleviate a very large portion of simple first-time learning hiccups.

Having said that; I am happy to say that the flogging workshop at the Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar received some wonderful feedback and comments. It seemed as though everyone had a wonderful time and I cannot express how rewarding it is to watch people putting their new-found teachings into practice over the course of an event (having a room full of flying florantining floggers can be an incredibly fun thing to watch).

Even the lovely Mistress Victoria from Uberkinky (who was a pleasure to finally meet face to face) wrote a sparkling review of the experience, which you can read on her website blog: Here.

In response to the many people who have asked me to do some Youtube videos and tutorials: I do hope to get some made eventually, but it is finding someone who would be willing to film me and has decent enough equipment and software to do so. It will be done, it is just a question of time and expense (anyone wishing to participate in this kind of project, please feel free to contact me).

And to answer the question that so many people directed at me about my collection of floggers at the workshop: The straight handled floggers were from Jack’s Floggers, The ball handled floggers were from Jack’s floggers and Edgeplay and the majority of the floggers that you saw that evening (the poi floggers) were from our very own Kabunza Craftwerks (we do accept custom orders if you would like a personalised set made).

As well as the workshop, it was also Kabunza‘s first ever trade stand at the BBB. We received some wonderful feedback on our products and many people walked home with shiny new Kabunza collars, jewellery and floggers. We are gleefully looking forward to any possibilities of trading there again. The atmosphere and people at this event are simply awesome.

To sum up this post, I would just like to send out a few thankyou’s :

  • To the BBB market and after party organizers for offering us the opportunity to have our Kabunza trade stand represented at their event, for the ample support they gave us, for allowing me the honour of hosting a workshop for them and for their very encouraging and complimentary words throughout.
  • To everyone who made a purchase at the Kabunza trade stand. We know from all your lovely comments and appreciation photos that our hard work is going to good homes. We hope you get as much joy from them through their use and wear as we have had in creating them.
  • To everyone who attended the workshop. I hope everyone had fun (I know many did from the comments that I have received on Facebook and Fetlife but I never tire from hearing your thoughts and I am sure the readers of my blog would love to hear your comments if anyone would like to post any below).
  • To my ever diligent partner for pouring her blood, sweat and tears (three of my favourite things to squeeze out of her) into customising and altering almost every purchased Kabunza item at the event. She really worked hard.
  • To my Benjamin. Who, without him, none of the above would of happened and who embraced everything that I inflicted upon him at the workshop (and afterwards) with a delicious smile. As I have always said; “It takes two to play”, and in that respect I am always greatly appreciative of him and feel incredibly lucky to have him as my own.

A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: Fruit flies like a banana

When I started this blog on the 22nd November 2011, I never expected much from it. I had never been much of a ‘blogger’ and most of what I was doing back then remained invisible to anyone outside of my circle.

They say “Time flies like an arrow” (and “fruit flies like a banana”) and indeed it has; this past year (and a bit) has pretty much been a whirlwind farrago of kink.

In fact, the kink has been such a distraction that I had forgotten to create this post back in the November of 2012.

So here it is! Enjoy these moments when they happen because they do not happen often and it is better late than never.

I wish to send out heartfelt thankyou’s:

Firstly to my blog followers: 161 to date and steadily growing. You people are the lifeblood of this little nook of the web. Without you all, this place would die a pitiful death rather quickly. Thankyou for helping me to realise that doing this blog is not (and has not been) a waste of effort (and if you are not a follower, Why the hell not?).

To those who have commented on this blog: Comment and critique is always welcomed and appreciated. These are the things which offer possibilities to learn, grow, feel appreciated and even meet new acquaintances. Thankyou for having the courtesy to comment or the ‘balls’ to critique.

To those who have clicked the ‘Like’ button on any of my posts: It takes a matter of a second to click that button, and every time it is clicked I know that my efforts are being enjoyed by someone, somewhere on this wretched cesspool of a planet that we live on; Which is one of the reasons for doing this blog in the first place (I also get a warm fuzzy feeling every time I get that little resounding ‘ding’ that says someone has clicked the button. Think of clicking that button as flicking a nipple; it gives a wonderful, though short lived, little buzz of sensation which is highly addictive).

To those who have signed up to my Facebook fan page or following my Twitter by using the links through this blog: I am still (very slowly) starting to realise that for a lot of people, Facebook or Twitter are the only online social networks that they will ever choose to participate in. These social network sites would probably get more of my attention if I had more of a following on them or if they were not so mundane. It is a way to follow this blog without actually ‘following’ this blog, but it is still appreciated. I will do my best to make visits to these profiles more frequently, but in the meantime; thanks for the love.

To my partner: Who convinced me to start this thing in the first place. Love you baby. x

To my Benjamin: Without his help, support and encouragement, a very large portion of what has been written this past year would not have been written. It takes two to play and I am very lucky in that respect. Thankyou my sweet sweet Benjamin.

So, in summary: I plan to make this next years allotment of postings as entertaining as the last (moreso when possible) and hopefully I will get posts out on time in the future.

Kinbaku and Shibari: Private tuition with Esinem and Nina Russ – 14/10/12

From the 12th October -14th October, Benjamin and I spent the weekend in London under the tuition of the Shibari and Kinbaku professionals : Esinem and Nina Russ.

Rope play has always been an interest of mine (unfortunately, having claws can make it difficult to master effectively; ergo, I have never done advanced courses), but when Benjamin was introduced to images and movies of it, he fell in love with the artform and expressed a huge desire to learn it. I, in turn, have nurtured this desire (as well as offering to be his practice model) and after several months of play, practice and research, higher learning for him was inevitably required.

When it comes to any form of bondage, especially rope bondage, safety and knowledge is paramount. I highly recommend that it is not attempted without at least being taught the basics, either by research using the internet or books, or by attaining the services of an experienced teacher. There are many aspects to take note of during this kind of play; including asphyxiation and nerve damage. Do not be an idiot; Play safely.

To this end we contacted Esinem for his offer on residential private tuition and made plans to visit him at his home and studio in London for an intensive training course to further our learning.

After copious hours of practice and training with both Esinem and Nina Russ (living and breathing rope bondage for three days), I personally have developed a great respect for the rope bondage models that you see in all the images across the internet. I make it a personal rule to experience anything that I intend to put anyone else through (this is true for all forms of BDSM play that I practice). This kind of bondage can be incredibly painful (especially rope suspension). For me, the weekend was a significant learning experience which tested my endurance and stamina to great lengths. For Benjamin; well, let us just say he has returned from the experience with a slightly frazzled brain from taking in so much information, sore fingers from extensive use of the rope and a significantly vaster knowledge of the artform (as well as his own set of Asanawa Tossa Lite 6mm Jute ropes, a birthday present from me and my partner).

We do plan on having further private tuition with Esinem and Nina in the near future, but we must first put what we have learned over this last weekend into frequent practice. This kind of skill takes a great amount of time and dedication.

Thanks to the wonderful Nina Russ, I also experienced full rope suspension. Another thing which I do not recommend unless in the hands of an experienced and well practiced individual. To quote Esinem’s website:

“As safety is a prime concern, please be aware that, like so many good things in life, there is always possibility of accidental injury. Rope suspension is undoubtedly edge play and should only be undertaken by those who are physically and mentally up to the challenge. Suspension is safe but not without risk, regardless of proficiency or experience, so is definitely RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) rather than entirely SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual). The more extreme suspensions require a high degree of fitness and often a reasonable pain threshold, so don’t imagine everyone can do what professional models make look easy!”

Luckily, I was physically and mentally adequate, however, as I mentioned earlier in this blog post, the whole weekend experience (full suspension, partial suspension and constant floor practice) has given me a profound respect for rope bondage models. It is definitely not easy.

Despite the aches and pains that I was suffering by the end of the weekend and despite the fact that I am not naturally submissive, I could not resist the chance to be tied up and partially suspended by the man himself.

Enjoy the photos.

 

All photography is unedited.

Photos courtesy of Esinem and Nina Russ.
Photography by Nina Russ.
All images are Copyright © 2012 AemiliaHawk. All Rights Reserved.

So, you want to be a professional Dominatrix?

I receive regular emails and messages asking me questions on how to go about becoming a professional Dominatrix and I do offer training sessions in my dungeon (phone me for details if you have a specific training in mind). However, there are a certain number of base truths that anyone who aspires to get into this kind of business should know.

  1. This kind of work takes a specific type of mindset and a certain mentality. It is not the kind of thing for the faint of heart and it is not just about wearing some fetish clothing or sounding bossy. Clients will know if you are less than genuine. In my opinion, a decent intellect and a basic knowledge of human anatomy is mandatory, and if you are not naturally dominant or you do not already have an interest in fetish, kink or sadomasochism, then I would highly recommend you give it up as a bad idea before you make yourself look incredibly stupid.
  2. It is not easy work. This job can be very draining emotionally, mentally and physically. I am certain that from the observers point of view, this kind of lifestyle can look incredibly glamorous, fun and exciting. Those who are successful tend to make it look easy. But there is a lot of work to be done both in and out of the dungeon before sessions can take place. Profiles, websites, updates, advertisements, photo shoots, constant correspondence 24/7 with both potential clients and time wasters, references to check, set up before and clean up after each session, travel and any specific arrangements that need to be made beforehand. To say it can get stressful is an understatement.
  3. You get out of it what you put into it. You are directly responsible for any success or failure that you achieve. The energy and money that I invest in developing my business, equipment or skills, directly reflects my success and earnings. Quality brings longevity, knowledge brings respect, investment brings potential and all are required to bring profit. You will also find that this business is very seasonal or fickle. Certain times of the year can be incredibly busy whereas at other times you may not spank a single bottom for weeks. It is a very true barometer of the economy; when the economy is healthy, people feel that they can spend on the luxuries, when the economy is slow, the mortgage is more important than tribute for a Mistress.
  4. You may meet mentally questionable people in this lifestyle and business. Most tend to be very respectful and intelligent, however, you do get a few who look to abuse and take advantage (some are prone to violence). You learn to identify these people fairly quickly, but you must keep your wits in this kind of business and be able to handle yourself both verbally and physically. A lacking in self-confidence or being emotionally sensitive will mean this kind of work will bring you nothing but mental anguish.
  5. This kind of profession can be very hard on relationships. Family, friends or partners; not everyone will agree with your choice of work or lifestyle. This is one of the reasons why the mundane are called mundane, they will never understand. The best you can hope for is that they simply accept. Many people will make assumptions, often negative, about you, your motives or your character. I have also noticed that despite being a lifestyle Dominatrix, even other members of the BDSM scene may take an active dislike to a professional practitioner of BDSM.

These basics by no means cover everything and I am sure other professionals will have different views. They are just a few personal observations which I have learned in my years as a lifestyle Dominatrix as well as my years in the professional business and I am simply relaying to those who have been seeking my advice or to any who may seek it in the future.

I would not recommend seeking advice on practicing professional BDSM from anyone other than those who have experience practicing professional BDSM (you may be able to learn skills from those who frequent the BDSM scene, but you will not learn the finer details of how to run your business from anyone other than those who have hands on knowledge, no pun intended).

It is unlikely that this will be my last ‘advice post’. Some of my previous blog posts which have been written with the intention of giving help advice to the aspiring professional Dominatrix include:

Preventing “bounce”

Tipping the hourglass

My only hope is that this helps people to decide and accept the consequences of their own life choices.