So, you want to be a professional Dominatrix?

I receive regular emails and messages asking me questions on how to go about becoming a professional Dominatrix and I do offer training sessions in my dungeon (phone me for details if you have a specific training in mind). However, there are a certain number of base truths that anyone who aspires to get into this kind of business should know.

  1. This kind of work takes a specific type of mindset and a certain mentality. It is not the kind of thing for the faint of heart and it is not just about wearing some fetish clothing or sounding bossy. Clients will know if you are less than genuine. In my opinion, a decent intellect and a basic knowledge of human anatomy is mandatory, and if you are not naturally dominant or you do not already have an interest in fetish, kink or sadomasochism, then I would highly recommend you give it up as a bad idea before you make yourself look incredibly stupid.
  2. It is not easy work. This job can be very draining emotionally, mentally and physically. I am certain that from the observers point of view, this kind of lifestyle can look incredibly glamorous, fun and exciting. Those who are successful tend to make it look easy. But there is a lot of work to be done both in and out of the dungeon before sessions can take place. Profiles, websites, updates, advertisements, photo shoots, constant correspondence 24/7 with both potential clients and time wasters, references to check, set up before and clean up after each session, travel and any specific arrangements that need to be made beforehand. To say it can get stressful is an understatement.
  3. You get out of it what you put into it. You are directly responsible for any success or failure that you achieve. The energy and money that I invest in developing my business, equipment or skills, directly reflects my success and earnings. Quality brings longevity, knowledge brings respect, investment brings potential and all are required to bring profit. You will also find that this business is very seasonal or fickle. Certain times of the year can be incredibly busy whereas at other times you may not spank a single bottom for weeks. It is a very true barometer of the economy; when the economy is healthy, people feel that they can spend on the luxuries, when the economy is slow, the mortgage is more important than tribute for a Mistress.
  4. You may meet mentally questionable people in this lifestyle and business. Most tend to be very respectful and intelligent, however, you do get a few who look to abuse and take advantage (some are prone to violence). You learn to identify these people fairly quickly, but you must keep your wits in this kind of business and be able to handle yourself both verbally and physically. A lacking in self-confidence or being emotionally sensitive will mean this kind of work will bring you nothing but mental anguish.
  5. This kind of profession can be very hard on relationships. Family, friends or partners; not everyone will agree with your choice of work or lifestyle. This is one of the reasons why the mundane are called mundane, they will never understand. The best you can hope for is that they simply accept. Many people will make assumptions, often negative, about you, your motives or your character. I have also noticed that despite being a lifestyle Dominatrix, even other members of the BDSM scene may take an active dislike to a professional practitioner of BDSM.

These basics by no means cover everything and I am sure other professionals will have different views. They are just a few personal observations which I have learned in my years as a lifestyle Dominatrix as well as my years in the professional business and I am simply relaying to those who have been seeking my advice or to any who may seek it in the future.

I would not recommend seeking advice on practicing professional BDSM from anyone other than those who have experience practicing professional BDSM (you may be able to learn skills from those who frequent the BDSM scene, but you will not learn the finer details of how to run your business from anyone other than those who have hands on knowledge, no pun intended).

It is unlikely that this will be my last ‘advice post’. Some of my previous blog posts which have been written with the intention of giving help advice to the aspiring professional Dominatrix include:

Preventing “bounce”

Tipping the hourglass

My only hope is that this helps people to decide and accept the consequences of their own life choices.

The House rules.

“Do you know the rules of this house?” I said as I leaned over his supplicated form.
“I must call you Mistress at all times” replied a quivering voice.
“that is a given, regardless of if it is written in the house rules” I retorted as I began to gently inspect the menials body. “What else.”
“I may not look Mistress in the eye.”
“Good. However, I do not care if you look me in the eye. I do not make myself up to look this good for you to simply keep your head lowered constantly. Flash me a defiant look and I will have your head. But other than that, look all you like.”
“Thank you.”
“Thank you who!” I said as I gave a quick slap to the back of his head.
“Thank you Mistress! Thank you Mistress!” he said as he cowered with his head bowed.
“Continue with the House rules.” I said as I went back to the bodily inspection.
“I may not speak without your permission, Mistress.”
“Speak out of turn and you will soon feel my wrath. But, ask for permission every five seconds and you will feel it doubly so. What else?”
“I may not touch Mistress but she may touch me.” He said as he started to relax and enjoy the sensation of my touch.
“I tend to ignore little touches to the body part of your obsession. But be warned that if you take too many liberties, you will suffer. Continue.”
“I must always be respectful, Mistress.”
“That is a rule of life,” I said as I gave him another slap across the back of the head, “one to follow regardless of whether you are here or not! Now, what is the last rule?”
“Mistress?” he said as he cowered further into a ball.
“The final and most important rule! What is it?” I slapped the back of his head again, more for effect than anything else.
“Mistress! Please! I do not know the last rule!” At this point his body tightened in expectation of another slap, one which never came. Instead I grabbed his hair, pulled his head back and leaned in close to whisper.
“The most important rule and remember it well,” I whispered gently into his held-back ear, “is the fact that this Mistress adheres to no rules. In my presence, chaos reigns.”
He smiled and gave off a single but gentle laugh as I held his head in position by the hair. I grinned back and pushed his head forcefully forward.
“Simply use what little common sense you have. Now get your ass on the cross. I want some flogger practice.”