So, you want to be a professional Dominatrix?

I receive regular emails and messages asking me questions on how to go about becoming a professional Dominatrix and I do offer training sessions in my dungeon (phone me for details if you have a specific training in mind). However, there are a certain number of base truths that anyone who aspires to get into this kind of business should know.

1. This kind of work takes a specific type of mindset and a certain mentality. It is not the kind of thing for the faint of heart and it is not just about wearing some fetish clothing or sounding bossy. Clients will know if you are less than genuine. In my opinion, a decent intellect and a basic knowledge of human anatomy is mandatory, and if you are not naturally dominant or you do not already have an interest in fetish, kink or sadomasochism, then I would highly recommend you give it up as a bad idea before you make yourself look incredibly stupid.
2. It is not easy work. This job can be very draining emotionally, mentally and physically. I am certain that from the observers point of view, this kind of lifestyle can look incredibly glamorous, fun and exciting. Those who are successful tend to make it look easy. But there is a lot of work to be done both in and out of the dungeon before sessions can take place. Profiles, websites, updates, advertisements, photo shoots, constant correspondence 24/7 with both potential clients and time wasters, references to check, set up before and clean up after each session, travel and any specific arrangements that need to be made beforehand. To say it can get stressful is an understatement.
3. You get out of it what you put into it. You are directly responsible for any success or failure that you achieve. The energy and money that I invest in developing my business, equipment or skills, directly reflects my success and earnings. Quality brings longevity, knowledge brings respect, investment brings potential and all are required to bring profit. You will also find that this business is very seasonal or fickle. Certain times of the year can be incredibly busy whereas at other times you may not spank a single bottom for weeks. It is a very true barometer of the economy; when the economy is healthy, people feel that they can spend on the luxuries, when the economy is slow, the mortgage is more important than tribute for a Mistress.
4. You may meet mentally questionable people in this lifestyle and business. Most tend to be very respectful and intelligent, however, you do get a few who look to abuse and take advantage (some are prone to violence). You learn to identify these people fairly quickly, but you must keep your wits in this kind of business and be able to handle yourself both verbally and physically. A lacking in self-confidence or being emotionally sensitive will mean this kind of work will bring you nothing but mental anguish.
5. This kind of profession can be very hard on relationships. Family, friends or partners; not everyone will agree with your choice of work or lifestyle. This is one of the reasons why the mundane are called mundane, they will never understand. The best you can hope for is that they simply accept. Many people will make assumptions, often negative, about you, your motives or your character. I have also noticed that despite being a lifestyle Dominatrix, even other members of the BDSM scene may take an active dislike to a professional practitioner of BDSM.

These basics by no means cover everything and I am sure other professionals will have different views. They are just a few personal observations which I have learned in my years as a lifestyle Dominatrix as well as my years in the professional business and I am simply relaying to those who have been seeking my advice or to any who may seek it in the future.

I would not recommend seeking advice on practicing professional BDSM from anyone other than those who have experience practicing professional BDSM (you may be able to learn skills from those who frequent the BDSM scene, but you will not learn the finer details of how to run your business from anyone other than those who have hands on knowledge, no pun intended).

It is unlikely that this will be my last ‘advice post’. Some of my previous blog posts which have been written with the intention of giving help advice to the aspiring professional Dominatrix include:

Preventing “bounce”

Tipping the hourglass

My only hope is that this helps people to decide and accept the consequences of their own life choices.

Mistresses meanings.

Many people have commented on my distinctive use of words and I get asked on a regular basis what some of them mean. The most common queries being: menials, mundanes, vanilla and similar.

This blog post is a list of the most commonly queried words and their explanations. If I have missed out any which my readers would like explained, feel free to mention them in a comment attached to this post and I will elaborate with a reply.

Menial:

This is a generalised term I use instead of the title submissive, slave, servant, minion, inferior, bottom or human pet. I realise that some menials can get a little funny about whether they get classed as any of the aforementioned or not. Some submissives hate being classed as a slave and vice versa. So, my alternative classes all of the above into the single generalised term. I care little about what they wish to have as their title, as long as they know their station, A.K.A. beneath Me.

Mundane:

This is a title I use for people who are not a practitioner of BDSM, sadomasochism or any form of kink or fetish. These people are the everyday normals that cover this planet like ants over a slightly sucked cola cube. These are the people that wake up, go to work, return home, eat their food, watch several hours of television, go to bed and then restart the whole process the next day (with the exception of the odd night of binge drinking on the weekends because they have nothing better to do). Words I would also use to describe “the masses” would be: tedious, repetitive, commonplace, ordinary, uninteresting, socially conformist or boring. However, “mundane” comprises all of these words into one. I also believe it sounds less offensive. But this generalisation is not meant to imply that there are not individuals or interesting people amongst “the masses”, it is simply the level of consideration I give until those interesting individuals make themselves known.

Vanilla:

The most common flavor of ice cream. Similar to “mundane” in meaning but in reference to an action, place, object, person or anything that could be classed as common and/or not kinky. I have noticed this is the reference that most kinksters use when referring to normality or the ordinary in general.

Domme/Dom:

An abbreviation of “dominant”. A Mistress or Master. Domme tends to be female, Dom tends to be male.

Station:

Rank, standing or position within a hierarchy or society. Example: “I am a Mistress and my station is at the top, above everyone else. You are a submissive and your station is at the bottom.”

Tribute:

An acknowledgment of gratitude, respect or admiration in the form of a gift. However, in the case of a professional Mistress, the word “tribute” is also traditionally used in reference to the fee for the hire of their dungeon and services.

Scritch:

The act of gently running ones fingers or fingernails through the hair, behind the ears and over the head, neck and back of another person. A generally soft, attentive and loving touch. Often the kind of touch you would give to your dog, cat or pet.