Time…

Lately I have been in deep thought and reflection of this past year. It has been a very difficult one to say the least and I am not going to bore anyone with it.

Truth be told, what I am writing here may seem like common sense when you think about it. But it really does not matter what you believe. In the end, you will read this and probably forget it as soon as something more interesting catches your eye. It is just how people are and how people always will be. With everything.

The only reason I am writing this is because I cannot sleep and I am trying to burn time.

Time…

Time… “Flies like an arrow”

Everything is finite. Every grain of sand that falls through the neck of the hourglass is a grain that can never be taken back. We all take time for granted until we run out of it.

It is the greatest gift. Nothing is more valuable. I loath people who waste it. But even worse are those people who waste the time of others.

It is forever changing. It fluctuates. It is relative. A single moment can last a lifetime or fly past at an unfathomable speed. I have seen that which has taken years to create destroyed in a second simply by a choice. But it can go both ways. A simple whim is also capable of developing things that can last and comfort for a prolonged period, even indefinitely.

Time… “Heals all wounds”

I do not agree. Serious damage never really heals. If you are consigned to a wheelchair for life, that is pretty much what it means.

Emotional wounds are the same. The mind, protecting its sanity, just covers them with scar tissue to lessen the pain. They are never truly gone. The best you can do is to try and avoid reopening them.

Time… “Is what we want the most and use the worst”

It grants experience and knowledge as it passes, but never wisdom.

And the older you get, the less you have.

I would recommend cherishing every moment as if it were your last and to not go wasting it, but nobody listens and everyone does. Including me. Every existence is full of regrets and “what if’s”. The aim is to limit those to a minimum and to try and fill life with as many precious moments and precious people as you can.

Time… “Flies like an arrow”
Time… “Does not heal all wounds”
Time… “Is what we want the most and use the worst”

Time… Ends.

If you blink you may miss it.

Kinbaku and Shibari: Private tuition with Esinem and Nina Russ – 14/10/12

From the 12th October -14th October, Benjamin and I spent the weekend in London under the tuition of the Shibari and Kinbaku professionals : Esinem and Nina Russ.

Rope play has always been an interest of mine (unfortunately, having claws can make it difficult to master effectively; ergo, I have never done advanced courses), but when Benjamin was introduced to images and movies of it, he fell in love with the artform and expressed a huge desire to learn it. I, in turn, have nurtured this desire (as well as offering to be his practice model) and after several months of play, practice and research, higher learning for him was inevitably required.

When it comes to any form of bondage, especially rope bondage, safety and knowledge is paramount. I highly recommend that it is not attempted without at least being taught the basics, either by research using the internet or books, or by attaining the services of an experienced teacher. There are many aspects to take note of during this kind of play; including asphyxiation and nerve damage. Do not be an idiot; Play safely.

To this end we contacted Esinem for his offer on residential private tuition and made plans to visit him at his home and studio in London for an intensive training course to further our learning.

After copious hours of practice and training with both Esinem and Nina Russ (living and breathing rope bondage for three days), I personally have developed a great respect for the rope bondage models that you see in all the images across the internet. I make it a personal rule to experience anything that I intend to put anyone else through (this is true for all forms of BDSM play that I practice). This kind of bondage can be incredibly painful (especially rope suspension). For me, the weekend was a significant learning experience which tested my endurance and stamina to great lengths. For Benjamin; well, let us just say he has returned from the experience with a slightly frazzled brain from taking in so much information, sore fingers from extensive use of the rope and a significantly vaster knowledge of the artform (as well as his own set of Asanawa Tossa Lite 6mm Jute ropes, a birthday present from me and my partner).

We do plan on having further private tuition with Esinem and Nina in the near future, but we must first put what we have learned over this last weekend into frequent practice. This kind of skill takes a great amount of time and dedication.

Thanks to the wonderful Nina Russ, I also experienced full rope suspension. Another thing which I do not recommend unless in the hands of an experienced and well practiced individual. To quote Esinem’s website:

“As safety is a prime concern, please be aware that, like so many good things in life, there is always possibility of accidental injury. Rope suspension is undoubtedly edge play and should only be undertaken by those who are physically and mentally up to the challenge. Suspension is safe but not without risk, regardless of proficiency or experience, so is definitely RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) rather than entirely SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual). The more extreme suspensions require a high degree of fitness and often a reasonable pain threshold, so don’t imagine everyone can do what professional models make look easy!”

Luckily, I was physically and mentally adequate, however, as I mentioned earlier in this blog post, the whole weekend experience (full suspension, partial suspension and constant floor practice) has given me a profound respect for rope bondage models. It is definitely not easy.

Despite the aches and pains that I was suffering by the end of the weekend and despite the fact that I am not naturally submissive, I could not resist the chance to be tied up and partially suspended by the man himself.

Enjoy the photos.

 

All photography is unedited.

Photos courtesy of Esinem and Nina Russ.
Photography by Nina Russ.
All images are Copyright © 2012 AemiliaHawk. All Rights Reserved.

Introductions: Benjamin

UPDATE: As of 19/02/14, Benjamin and I have went our separate ways and are no longer play partners.

At the beginning of this year, purely by chance, a wandering soul entered my realm. His eagerness to test and try new sensations and activities brought him to me. He called himself Benjamin.

At first, I did not differentiate him from anyone else who had came to me with curiosities. Why would I? I did not realise at the time just how deep things would go, or how fast.

It was not long before our play became a regular occurrence and soon afterwards, a strong D/s bond started to take effect. This in turn developed over the  months into closeness, trust and more until I finally began classing him as ‘My’ submissive in the July of this year.

This was an incredibly big deal and I will explain why:

Back in 2006, I released my last submissive of her station and role obligations (She became my partner and as many who read my blog may know, a constant D/s relationship does not always work full time); I essentially made a decision to keep D/s as play or work and to limit submission permanence.

I made a list of prerequisites and conditions so that if ever I was to take on another permanent submissive, they would need to be exceptional. Perfect not just for me but also for my partner and my lifestyle. Much of this list can be seen in a previous blog post of mine named: Procuring permanence.

In almost 6 years, nobody had ever managed to get past step three.

Benjamin is on step five. So I am in the belief that this blog post is overdue, and today is his birthday; ergo, an excellent day for introductions?

But he has grown to be more than simply my submissive. He is also my play partner (the D/s is not constantly in effect) and he has also grown to be my closest friend.

You can read his fetlife profile: Here. But for those who do not have a fetlife account, I will relay his written profile below:

I had always enjoyed the kinkier side of sex and this is what drew me towards BDSM.
I decided that if this was a journey that I wanted to take I should experience first hand what it feels like to be submissive and hopefully learn from it. I believe that you need to learn what pleasures and pain can be received from different aspects of play before you attempt to inflict them on others.
It was through this curiosity and wish to learn that I met Mistress Aemilia Hawk.

Personally, I think that it takes a lot of courage and trust to be truly submissive. In my eyes, if a Mistress/Master does not have respect for there submissive, they are truly not what this lifestyle is all about and do not deserve the title.
I quickly learned that Mistress Aemilia was the only person who I could offer submission to. She pushes my boundaries and is worth the effort. It has certainly been an amazing journey so far and I would say that I have learned a lot about myself.

I never expected BDSM or Mistress Aemilia to become so large a part of my life. It has been almost a year now that we have been exploring and playing together. I have mentioned on occasion that I have felt spoiled by her knowledge and skill. She has very high standards and over 10 years of experience. Setting the pedestal so high from the beginning has forced me to learn incredibly quickly. I am glad that I did and I feel very lucky to have her as my Mistress.

While I have grown to enjoy many forms of BDSM play, including sounding, flogging, violet wand play, CP and knife play.
Recently I have taken a large interest in Shibari and Kinbaku. My Mistress has encouraged this and we are currently exploring it further together.
Kinbaku is visually stunning to watch and a pure art form. But what is most important for me in doing this type of play is the connection between the two people involved. It is much more than just rope play.

I do not know what the future holds, who does?
My Mistress says that “Life is not worth living if you live it like a mundane.”
All I know is that currently, I am happy, content and having a lot of kinky fun.

Benjamin.

No doubt he will be reading this as soon as the post is published. So, to my Benjamin:

“Happy birthday sweet pea, and be in the dungeon at 8:00 pm sharp!”

Photography by Raven Imaging.
All images are Copyright © 2012 AemiliaHawk. All Rights Reserved.

A Velvet Thought – Mistresses Musings: What is the difference?

Recently I was asked what the difference is between a professional Dominatrix and a lifestyle Dominatrix. I thought my reply was worth posting to blog and I have thrown financial Domination in the mix as well because this has also been asked of me in the past:

A financial Dominatrix has no skill in any of the BDSM arts. They are not a true Mistress, they simply pose as one. It is unlikely you will meet them anywhere apart from online. All they will do is demand that you give them money or pay their bills. They demand cash in exchange for nothing (aside from possible verbal abuse or online humiliation).
These people tend to give professional Domination a bad name because many people fail to differentiate between financial and professional Domination as there are quite a few professional Dominants who practice financial Domination.
I personally loath this practice. In my opinion they are on a par with beggars or ‘spongers’. I believe that money given should be money earned and I class financial Dominants as lower than pond scum on the evolutionary ladder.

A professional Dominatrix is basically one who plays in a dungeon with a paying client. The client has a fetish, kink or BDSM fantasy and would like to act it out. It is a form of drama therapy and while it may be erotic or sensual, there is never any sex ( if sex is involved then they are a prostitute, not a Dominatrix).
The majority of professional Dominatrices have a normal life when they leave the dungeon (When I say majority, I can only comment on my own experiences and acquaintances. Around 90% of all I have met. And when I say normal, I mean of course a vanilla existence). They do not spend a large portion of their life studying BDSM practices. They have a very basic knowledge of the equipment, normally what they have been told by friends, played with in the bedroom, have seen on TV or what they may have had shown to them by other Mistresses or submissives at their dungeon of residence. This level of skill coupled with common sense and safety is often enough to deal with a large portion of paying clients. Most clients have a very generalised fetish (often something they have seen on television or on the internet) which tend to be very simple to do. They do not often attend BDSM events or clubs because they consider the play their job and there is no profit in attending such places.
I must stress that this opinion is based solely on the professional Dominants that I have met. The other 10% tend to be incredibly skilled because they are usually both lifestyle as well as professional. The key is, of course, noticing this before passing judgement simply on their choice of profession. The lifestyle professionals tend to do it for a living because they love BDSM so much.

A lifestyler (or lifestyle Dominatrix, if you prefer) is one who does it because they love it. It is part of their everyday life. They often go to great lengths to get high quality or specialised equipment (I rarely use the equipment on show in the dungeon as I prefer my own) and they spend a great deal of time learning the skills involved in their chosen BDSM activities. They tend to attend the events, clubs and venues because it is their passion and not simply a job.

Essentially it comes down to this: Give a financial Dominatrix a flogger and she will demand money from you to have the privilege of passing it to her hand (and she will have no clue as to how to use it or have any inclination to do so. Of course, this is if you actually manage to meet them in the flesh), give a professional Dominatrix a flogger and (9 times out of 10) she will show you how to hit someone with it for money, give a lifestyle Dominatrix a flogger (preferably someone that has a few years experience) and she will show you how to make it dance.

There is a lot of information on the internet about the differences. These are of course just my own observations and opinions. I am forever hoping to have these opinions improved upon, but this is how they stand to date.

I am both lifestyle and professional. I am of the minority. I do this for a living next to my small business (even my small business is BDSM orientated) and it has been my passion and a major part of my life for almost 10 years.

Constructive opinions appreciated if anyone would care to give their own interpretations. Is my opinion flawed?

Feeling the eyes.

Whump, whump, whump, whump.

Time tends to slow down when you are in the moment. Everything seems to be in high definition and the only things that matter are the sensations. The sound and wind created by the dual floggers cutting through the air, the scent of sweat and leather, the feel of every impact sending vibrations through the body and the burn that penetrates every muscle from the exertion.

You can feel the eyes on you. The excitement in the air is like a drug. Addictive for an extrovert like myself.

With the beat of the music pumping through the club and influencing motion and impact, it swiftly turns into a dance. Erotic and sensual. This in turn attracts more eyes and the play becomes heavier. More visual. A performance to feed the spectators who are in turn feeding the extroverted desires.

By this point, the only way to stop the cycle is for the music to end. I am having too much fun.

Whump, whump, whump, whump.

With his arms raised and restrained to a Shibari ring that dangled from the ceiling, his back and shoulders are taking the majority of the beatings. Florentine style to be exact. Rash reddened and sore, he will bruise. But he too is being emotionally fed. Everyone is.

He raises his index fingers to the sky. Our prearranged signal that I am pushing beyond his threshold. I am oblivious to it. I know him and what he can take. The music had not stopped yet. He could endure. He ‘would’ endure. Limits are always best when at their extremities.

Now the thuds are louder than the music.

Whump… whump… whump… whump…

As the beat slows, so do the impacts. Breath is heavy. Sweat sheens the skin. The heat is comfortably uncomfortable as the world around phases back.

And then the music ends. I twirl the floggers to untangle them before clipping them to my waist. A spinning motion like a carousel. An elegant way to end. Aesthetically pleasing.

With a sure foot and gentle hip sway, I close the distance towards him to inspect the damage more closely. The skin looks tender. Tempting. Inviting. I gently run my claws down his neck and back. He shivers and groans at the sensation. A perfect finale.

With a short motion, I unclip his wrists and he slumps forward slightly. Drained. He turns, rests his head on my breast and I gently stroke the back of his neck. He had taken more punishment than originally intended. He deserved my gentler touch and aftercare. He had done exceedingly well.

Nothing needed to be said. Actions always speak far louder than any word. He attentively kissed my cheek. A “thank you”.

After a cigarette and a drink, maybe we would go at it again with a new song.

I do so love an audience.

Nothing but truth.

In attendance to my local munch (Swindon’s friendly munch 18/07/12) I had stirred curiosity in a couple of the younger mundane locals. Casual conversation ensued with a visit to the taverns outside smoking area. As you do (or as most mundane smokers do, probably).

“You have until I finish my cigarette.” I said as I pulled out and lit a jet black slimline Djarum. “Whatever questions you have in mind, I promise you will receive nothing but truth.”

“May I ask some questions too?” The more vocal of the two queried.

“If you must.” I stated as I blew a plume of smoke in the direction of the quiet one. My eyes stayed on him regardless of who spoke for the duration of the conversation. The quiet ones usually end up being the more interesting.

“You are a Mistress?”
“Yes.”
“Could I visit your dungeon?”
“Yes.”
“What would happen if I did?”
“That would depend on my mood.”
“Would it hurt?”
“Probably.”
“Then why would I want to visit?”
“You will know the answer to that question if you ever decide to visit.”
“Why are you being so mysterious?”
“Perhaps you are just asking the wrong questions.”

There was a short pause as both mundanes looked in thought as to what to ask next.

“Any question at all.” I restated as I gestured casually to the quiet one. My cigarette had roughly reached its halfway point and I gently waved it in front of his face for emphasis. “Your time is running out.”

“I am trying to think of how to word it.” The quiet one said as he shifted shyly on the spot.
“Usually the best way to word something is to simply say it.” I stated with an amused smirk.

The vocal one spoke again.

“Your teeth look very sharp”
“Not as sharp as my claws.” I stated as I held up my empty hand so that he could get a decent look. My eyes were still fixed on the silent one and the slightly amused smirk still played at the corner of my mouth.

“Are they real?”
“Yes, though coated with acrylic resin for strength so that they are functional.”
“Functional for what?”
“What do you think?” I stated as I glanced at the vocal one for the first time since the conversation had started. I raised an eyebrow and he smiled with an open mouth. It seemed as though he was attempting to think of a witty retort but one never came. Instead, he looked to the floor, still smiling. “Time is up.” I said as I glanced back to the quiet one and exhaled the last plume of clove scented smoke.

“Why should I trust you?” The quiet one suddenly said as I flicked my cigarette end into the closest ashtray.
“I offer a safe and legal environment, a gentle introduction and everything is consensual.” I said as I passed him my business card and made my way back towards the bar area.

I stopped in the entrance arch and glanced back to see him looking at the number on my card. “Good question.” I stated with a slightly crooked grin.