There is a song which I have memorised. It is called “The ABC’s of kinky sex” sung by a band called “Lords of acid”. I find it a wonderful tool and often encourage menials to learn it. Getting a letter wrong can be rather excruciating for my subject, though incredibly entertaining on my part.
Because I am unbelievably generous, this post is to clarify my slight variation of the lyrics for those currently attempting to learn them:
A is for asphyxiation, you won’t catch your breath.
B is for the blindfold, that keeps you dark as death.
C is for your cock which I will squash beneath my shoe, while I watch you wiggle, and I laugh at you.
D is for my dildo that you will learn to blow.
E is for your enema, I control the flow.
F is for my flogger, I will whip you so violent.
G is for the gag in place to keep your screaming silent.
H is for humiliation that you must bear.
I will immobilise you in my sexual lair.
J is for your jizzy, jerking tendency.
K for kisses, L for love and licks you offer me.
M is for the manacles imprisoning your feet.
N is for your nelly little nimby so sweet.
O is for the O-rings, holding you in place.
P is for the perspiration dripping down your face.
Q is for the quirt I use to whip your eager ass.
R is for restraints, to make the magic last.
S is for sweet suffering that only you will know.
T is for the torment, that keeps you on the go.
U is for unbridled lust that only I control as I claim for my own your body, mind, and soul.
V is for the vicious urge to struggle in vain, while I tease and tantalize you and eroticise your pain.
W is where, the winding woman walks.
X is for excruciating X-rated talk.
Y is your the yo-yo; I will yank upon your string and watch you yell and holler from the pleasure that it brings.
Z is for the zestfulness with which you will submit.
Now I have taught you every letter so remember all of it.
Velvet Thoughts by Aemilia Hawk 