Quotations: 2013

Continuing the quotations of the year posts, here is the selection for 2013.

You can see the ‘Quotations 2011’ post: Here
You can see the ‘Quotations 2012’ post: Here

Favorite quotations of the past year (including some that I have not been able or bothered to ‘tweet‘) in a single blog post purely for fun.

As usual, no names will be mentioned (with the exception of my own) and people will be referred to in an anonymous fashion or title. Of course, you will all know who you are from being present when I had said the quote in question. Try also to bear in mind that almost all of these quotes have been said in the heat of the moment and are not meant to offend any readers of my blog.

Enjoy.

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Aemilia Hawk: “You know something is seriously wrong with your karma when you manage to poke yourself in the eye with a duvet while searching for a chainmail earring that somehow managed to get stuck down the back of the living room radiator.”

Aemilia Hawk: “People may not realise this, but I have difficulty navigating certain aspects of daily life. You know, feigning interest in others, not being able to talk about BDSM as much as I want, putting up with everyday mundane stupidity. It is incredibly exhausting.”

Aemilia Hawk: “There is something about forcing a man up against a wall, shackling his arms and legs wide and forcing cold metal rods down his manhood that I find very erotic.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Ribbed for his pleasure.” (In reference to a sounding rod)

Aemilia Hawk: “If you are going to be a smart-ass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you are just an ass.”

Aemilia Hawk: “You can tell a lot about my mood if you watch my extremities. For example; If my claws are pressed against your throat in a threatening fashion; I am probably annoyed… Or aroused… Or both.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I have made it through the entire morning and only managed to insult two mundanes. I think my people skills are improving.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Quit being so facetious.”
Friend: “I do not know what ‘facetious’ means.”
Aemilia Hawk: “Do you know what ‘Google’ means?”

Aemilia Hawk: “I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off your hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.”

Dentist: “You may feel a little discomfort.”
Aemilia Hawk: “I am a sadomasochist, Sir. I think I have a pretty good idea of when something will inevitably ‘hurt like hell’.”

Aemilia Hawk: “You would be surprised at how fast people can run when they hear the crack of a Longeing Whip a few inches behind their head.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Appreciate what you have, because basically; I am awesome.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Pretty Pooky pleasantly pacificates pectorals, pandemian pallesethesia permitting.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Darth Vader hole invader?”

Aemilia Hawk: “Kin chasa du Jedi!”

Aemilia Hawk: “I suddenly have images in my head from the “Queen of the Damned” movie. Except with floggers and more blood.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, but set fire to him and he is warm for the rest of his life.”

Aemilia Hawk: “When I was a mundane, I spoke as a mundane, I understood as a mundane, I thought as a mundane: but when I became a kinkster, I put away ‘mundanish’ things.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person!”

Aemilia Hawk: “Must you leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Clearly you are not yourself today. I noticed the improvement almost immediately.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Is the vegetarian option 100% real vegetarian? Why are you laughing?”

Aemilia Hawk: “Forged in the fires of Mount Kabunza, there were made rings of power! Fashioned with a secret formula now known only to the makers of hitty things, these fabulous rings gave their users untold powers! Originally, there were twenty in all: six for mastery of the female orgasm, five for rule over erection dysfunction, three for dominion over anyone shorter than 1ft (length, not height), two for the conquering of bad breath, one was lost down the back of a radiator and we can’t get it out, two were recalled for factory defects because they tended to short-circuit in the rain, and THE ONE RING… Which didn’t really do anything, but we kinda liked the way it looked. So they are now mass produced for our floggers.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I still get horrible flashbacks of a tall, grey, bearded guy, pointing a cane and what looks like a BD10 violet wand to the heavens and shouting “YOU SHALL NOT FLOG!” at me.”

Aemilia Hawk: “There are onesies in M&S. Society has finally crumbled.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I absolutely did NOT threaten to punch him. I threatened to spank him.”

Aemilia Hawk: “You need to laugh. Everyone does. What is life if you cannot moon it with a wink and a slightly crooked grin?”

Aemilia Hawk: “Don’t fuck with my chi.”

Aemilia Hawk: “I am not saying that you are stupid. I am simply saying that you have extremely bad luck when it comes to thinking.”

Aemilia Hawk: “Of course your opinion matters. Not to me, but I am sure we could find someone suitably empathetic. Have you tried posting it on Facebook?”

Aemilia Hawk: “I would like to apologise in advance for my behavior tonight.”

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Product review: Uberkinky Ribbed Urethral Dipstick Sounder

I do not know exactly what it is about sounding that I love, but there is something about forcing a man up against a wall, shackling his arms and legs wide and forcing cold metal rods down his manhood that I find very erotic.

Personally, I like it to be a soft and sensual act, a delicate and precise procedure with the exception of a quick movement or extraction every now and then for increased sensation or with sadistic intention.

And sometimes I like to soak his feet in baby oil so he cannot keep his footing on the dungeon floor during the process, relying solely on the shackles for support…

Anyway, I digress.

When the wonderful people at Uberkinky offered me a new urethral sounding rod to review for them, how could I refuse?

Uberkinky Ribbed Urethral Dipstick Sounder:

Ribbed for his pleasure (sorry, I could not resist).

I have many urethral sounding rods. Among my collection is a full set of Hegar, a full set of Bakes rosebuds and even a vibrating urethral dilator. But they are all relatively smooth; this is the first sounding rod added to my collection which is of an unusual shape or texture.

A solid shaft of stainless steel with a high quality chrome finish, this dilator comes in four diameters and has a lovely length and weight when held in the hand, it is slightly heavier than what I am used to, but the added weight made a significantly positive difference from my perspective. I chose the rather comfortable 8mm. In my opinion: not too big, not too small.

From the moment of insertion, I could see the effect. Normally the most shocking part of sounding (especially with a Bakes rosebud dilator), is the first step; when the head of the rod pops through the eye of the meatus. After this beginning step is over, it is generally a clear sailing of desired sensations because the rod shafts tend to be smooth. With the URUDS, the popping is continuous with every rib and of course, the sensation inside the shaft would be significantly different. Judging from the expressions and sounds he made during play (compared to normal), I would guess it is far more intense (which in turn, made me enjoy it all the more).

Have you ever taken a length of ball chain and ran it over a piece of wood? No? Neither have I. But I imagine the sound you get from quickly extracting this sounding rod is incredibly similar. The effect it brings is very intoxicating.

Would I recommend this sounding rod for a beginner? No. Definitely not. A beginner should start off with a smooth set and become comfortable with the basics before moving on to more advanced options.

However, once comfortable and knowledgeable about basics and safety; DEFINITELY try one of these.

I think the only preference I would have, if the option ever became available, would be a rounded head instead of a tapered one. More as a personal safety preference. Other than that: I think this is a pretty awesome addition to any sounding rod collection.